Get bakery bread. It costs the same, is yummy, supports a local artisan, and friends will think you’re a baller at sandwich parties.

“Yo, this is dope! Check out this guy’s bread everyone! What is it?”

“Tiger loaf.”

“I haven’t heard of that brand! Is it online?”

“Oh, you…”

girls from across the room keep whispering about your slices not being boring square shaped

“I heard he knows four languages and has a holiday home in Tuscany…”

“Back iff, Becky. He’s mine.”

“Oh my god. Chill, Beatrice. We can share him. Wouldn’t mind his toast in the morning.”

“Wow, you cheeky slut, Becky. These sandwich parties are always so wild.”