https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/3297580
Well idk how to feel rn. I wrote her a handwritten letter and gave her 24 hours to either come over and have a follow up conversation or I’ll assume we’re over. (Had no intention of a break up)
Rn I’m in bed and she’s asleep next to me. We had a good conversation, we both apologised. I’m considering aaking my ex to delete the videos with me off the internet. No my gf didnt ask this of me and I didnt offee either, I might just do this myself, (I like my online privacy and dont have any social media account outside of this anyways).
I did a tonne of reassuring which I think did well. In person and in the letter. Promises were made on both ends.
Now for the bad part and I cannot believe Im putting this online, we just had the most disturbing sex ever. It would be normal in any other circumstance but for the fact that it was almost entirely what the video wth my ex was. This would still not be weird perhaps if there weren’t things we had never done before together.
So its new stuff and exactly what was in the video. This was creepy, was it not?? Maybe she thinks it’s things I like is my current assumption but idk. It’s been a while and my thoughts are rather scattered atm.
- What was the point of this?
- Do I bring this up?
- How do I bring this up?
- What do I even complain about here?
- Is she actually fine now or is there still an issue?
Ps. Thank you for everyones takes on the first post. For anyone saying we’re to immature to be in a relationship, we might be immature but we wanna grow together and see where this takes us. Hopefully this is a forever kinda thing.
tldr: you say it’s getting better but it will probably get worse. Too many 🚩s to me. Cut her loose
🚩” So my gf stalked my ex somehow … She finally told me she found my ex’s yt channel and watched every single thing on there.”
So your current relationship went out of her way to deep dive into your past relationships? For what reason? Were you bragging about her? If not, this is some weird trust issues that your current “partner” has.
🚩” Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.”
A person digging into your personal items (especially a computer, phone) is unnecessary invasion of privacy. The erosion of trust has existed long before you and your current relationship met.
Your “approval” is only a formality. My bet is that if you didn’t “approve” then she would find a way to get past it.
🚩 “Now for the bad part and I cannot believe Im putting this online, we just had the most disturbing sex ever. It would be normal in any other circumstance but for the fact that it was almost entirely what the video wth my ex was. ”
In her mind, she will never live up to your ex despite you vocalizing the opposite.
Advice: cut her loose. This type of shit never goes away with time. The fact that she is emulating the adult video with your ex means she is competing with her. Despite what you tell her, in her mind she will never be enough. That jealousy never truly goes away. It may eventually turn into resentment or worse.
She stalked my ex due to insecurity/ curiosity, ended up seeing a lot of available videos of me and wanted to see me in them. She said as much herself.
I allowed her to use my laptop however she saw fit and won’t be making assumptions on what could’ve been if I hadn’t.
We all have our issues and red flags, I know I do, I’m sure you do too. We’re just 2 lost souls living in a fish bowl, year after year. You don’t have to accept every issue someone has, but I believe we can work through this.
Even if the jealousy never fully goes away I hope we can grow to the point of this being more of a faint memory than a loud alarm in her head. I think time shall heal not hurt.
Love the “let’s work it out” attitude, but along the road please consider going to a professional. Therapy works wonders and from your post she needs it. There seems to be a lot of reassuring going on and that gets exhausting fast.
Just a reminder that going to a professional therapy is not an option in many places and social classes around the world, even in developed countries quality mental health care is not always accessible.
The fact that you are here asking for advice indicates some concern. Minimizing the issue does not help. When a person tells you who they are through their actions (invasion of personal privacy and devices, “stalking” ex-gf, mimicking ex-gf adult video), that tells you much more than what they voice.
Time doesn’t heal these issues. It only buries it. Eventually it resurfaces and possibly at the worst moment.
As another poster suggested, if you truly love this person then she should seek professional help.
Lol my dude she stalked your ex. Run away. That’s not normal or healthy. There are many people out there who wouldn’t do that.