Don’t brush it for a start. When you are in the shower use a wide toothed comb to detangle. Shower less if possible, it may seem like the opposite of what you’d want to to but your killing your hair by shampooing too much and it’s possible the shampoo you are using is really bad. Unfortunately I have to use a sulphate shampoo with salicylic acid for my hair and that really harsh so I have experience here. My hair is also incredibly thick and has a low porosity.

Here’s what I do; I wash my hair once a week and when I do I first put in a any conditioner (silicone or no silicone bc I’m using sulphates anyway) then I detangle and mix in my shampoo. Once that’s done I then use a deep conditioner that sits in my hair for roughly ten minutes making sure to gently massage the hair to make sure it gets everywhere. Once I rinse that out I’ll use my normal conditioner (Shea moisture works best for me) and then let that sit for a bit before squeezing the moisture out of my hair as much as possible but leaving the conditioner in. I then let it air dry or plop it depending on what I’m feeling.

I know that sounds like a fuck ton of work and it sorta is but you only gotta do it once a week and you’ll likely have better results and less complexity of you don’t have to use sulphates like I do

The main thing that made a world of a difference in my hair feeling silky even though it still has some frizz (that’s just a part of life with curly hair) was using Olaplex #3 after showering. You have to wrap your head with a microfiber towel first so the extra water doesn’t dilute the product, and then once it’s still damp but not soggy, apply the olaplex (like you would conditioner), and comb it through with a deiman brush or similar. Then you tuck it all into a plastic shower hair mask (like the cheap ones you use to dye your hair), and put a beanie on top of the shower mask. The beanie warms and opens the hair cuticle so that it absorbs more of the good stuff, so make sure all the hair is tucked under it. I tend to leave this on for 20 min and then rinse as usual. Once every 1-2 weeks gives amazing results IMO.

Techniques and products and behaviors that work well on straight hair can be disasterous for curly hair.

The thinning that hairdressers do can sometimes damage the hair and make it more frizzy. Ideally, you want each chunk of group of hair to end at the same length, so they can form a lock. So for example, I let the damaged broken hair grow out, make sure my nutrition is good so I’m growing good hair, and then asked for a couple of simple layers to cut it off and bring all the ends mostly even with each other. No texturing. Long hair is compatible with curls. Don’t go for short haircuts.

Silky is achievable. Silky is a goal. Set your sights on silky. It takes technique and skill and time, but is worthwhile to persue. It can be a sign that your health and diet is right.

Pay attention to what breaks the hair (making the ends uneven): aggressive dry brushing, certain uncovered elastic bands that are too tight, etc. These damaging things are forbidden.

Quick instructions for a fast result:

Comb out gently with wide toothed comb when hair is wet and well lubricated with conditioner. Dont towel dry, but gently squeeze out the water with your fist or a twist. Try not to disrupt the grouping of the hair. Allow to dry but not completely, until still damp. Add a product that’s meant for curly hair with a bit of hold. (Put an appropriate amount in palm, rub your hands together and run your fingers with product through the hair to spread it out) Twist a chunk around your finger and pull downward/outwards to lock. Not a tedious process, you can do large chunks at a time. Air dry or gentle blow drying with a diffuser attachment if you’re in a rush. Or just put it in a t-shirt turban and go to bed.

It’s addictive. Soon you’ll be buying satin pillowcases. ;)

Edit: holy f’ing shit ignore the f’er that’s telling you to clip off your hair entirely. That’s the wrong advice. Don’t do it man. Your hair is good. It takes years for some people to get it that long.

I use a combination of:

1. salicylic acid (specifically for scalp treatment)
2. hyaluronic acid (Again, for hair)

You should be able to find them from many different brands. I use The inkeylist just because it was the first brand I found and it worked

The salicylic stuff is great for helping control that oily but dry combo and the hyaluronic stuff helps keep your hair feeling moist without feeling overly oily. I generally use the salicylic in the shower before shampooing and then the hyaluronic after towel drying and brushing my hair (then let air-dry). You can also use a curling/volumizing serum if you want but I haven’t found a good one yet

Here are a few additional photos: one of the top of my head to see the texture better; one of an individual hair to see an example of my curl type; and a head shot.

My hair looked a lot like that when I used to brush it. When you say it is thick - thick individual hairs, not just many hairs, correct? That’s my hair too. I urge you to put down the brush. I used to brush my hair because it tangled so much, all these ladies on the old naturallycurly board used to tell me not to brush my hair. I thought they were crazy, or just had different hair. But once I had a crop of never brushed hair, it was so much smoother (still not soft, it’s not a soft hair type, but it’s smooth and strong. It is not so dry either). I use my fingers and a wide tooth comb to detangle for 15 years now. And never did I ever suspect it was damaged before, never a split end, never any obvious sign of damage even really long but the roughness and tangling was from micro damage. I thought my hair TYPE was tangly, understand? But now I can detangle while shampooing. That change just from never brushing.

Haircut sort of depends on your goals for looks, and how much you are willing to do to style & maintain it. Without seeing your face, I think probably leave it long, just clean up the ends and maybe some layers only at the bottom edge. But if you are willing to restyle each day, short haircut with curls on top would look modern and classic and easier to keep short hair healthy. Much maintenance in haircuts though.

Since I think our underlying hair type is similar, I am going to make a specific product and technique recommendation my stylist taught me. Innersense Hydrating Cream Conditioner, and lots of water. Section your very wet, clean hair by splitting horizontally to leave just the nape hair out, take a pump of the conditioner and rake it through that bottom hair until it feels smooth and organized, add water as needed to keep it really wet. Repeat, moving upward, at the end you will have conditioned, smooth hair. At this point if there is too much conditioner in there I section the hair again, grabbing the ends in my hand, scrunched, rinsing briefly only at the roots. “Too much” takes experience to figure out, but if your hair is resistant like mine you want conditioner on it, to dry into it, to add pliability and moisture - if you rinse too much you will lose it all. But all that water makes a difference too. I used to remove excess water and use only leave in, this (admittedly fussier) half rinsing business has improved my hair, and that Innersense conditioner - not their whole line - is absolutely magic in a bottle.

Good luck and you aren’t starting from a bad place, it looks pretty good, I agree it can look even better.

ETA - be really careful about ‘thinning’ the hair. Strategic thinning with regular shears can work. Thinning shears in curly hair will cause frizz and heartbreak. Never let them use thinning shears and be very wary of the razor as well - that’s not an absolute no but most stylists don’t know how to use them in curly hair. You need your “clumps” pretty intact to get defined curls. Oh, and no, I regret to inform you that running your fingers through dry curly hair will always cause frizz. Mine is wound much looser and NO I cannot run my fingers through without the style going to shit.

Wow! Your hair is gorgeous!

I’ve never really been able to freely run my fingers or a straight comb through my hair, as it gets caught on random kinks or tangles along the way. I use a soft bristle wet hairbrush and it has been fantastic for controlling my hair.

I have wavy hair, and nowhere near as thick and luscious as yours, and even then my hair does exactly as you describe. It’s part of the texture really. When brushing this type of hair, it poofs up, a bit like Emma Watson in the first Harry Potter film. Combs are better for when using flat irons or when cutting hair. For detangling you’ll want a wet brush, and you’ll want to work from the lower parts of your hair up to not damage the hair too much. Though I gather you’ve already realised this, since working top down is nigh impossible without using force and making the hair snap.

I notice texturally my hair tends to have a somewhat paradoxical feeling of being dry and oily at the same time. Even after shampooing, if I feel my hair, the skin on my hand will seem to have a bit of oily buildup on it. But even so, you can see that my hair is often frizzy and the physical sensation as I touch it is of it being rather dry.

This actually isn’t all that weird. Shampoo is really just meant to do one thing: clean your scalp and hair from residue. Shampoos with oils and stuff is kind of bogus because they add what they’re meant to remove. When you shampoo your hair properly it’s just meant to feel clean.

This video has some good tips on how to choose a good shampoo. Essentially, a good shampoo will leave your hair clean, and possibly after an adjustment period, you won’t have to wash your hair as often. With the right shampoo you’ll be rid of the oil really fast.

Regarding the moisture, you’ll want to start using a hair mask every so often. The first couple of times you might want to leave it in for a while, I usually do half an hour or so, before rinsing. Once the moisture is restored you can probably get away with just doing a five minute mask whenever you feel like your hair needs a pick-me-up.

The same guy has a video on this too, actually.

Always use conditioner. I’m not entirely sure what’d be best for your hair type. As a wavy hair person I want to make use of really light products that don’t leave too much in, since oils and such would weigh down my hair and gravity would prevent the waves from forming well. People with really curly hair generally use quite heavy products because their hair curls really well anyway. I’m not 100% sure on your hair type, but I think you fall more into the type that can use heavier products without much issue.

Lastly, once you’ve showered, you’ll want to use a leave-in conditioner on your hair, and some hair oil on the ends of your hair to help seal the moisture in. Other styling things (mousse, gel, etc) can help create a better hold.

As far as products go, it really differs depending on your hair and its needs, and where you live. The products that work great for me might not cut it for you, or even be available where you are.