In recent weeks I have met a pretty and sweet girl with what I consider her only biggest problem: her IQ. She is slow, does not remember things and has no concentration at all, has no arguments, systematically repeats the usual twenty words. (A bit like the character of Forrest Gump, for those who do not know what low iq means). I feel like I like it to go deeper, but I wonder if it’s not a mistake. Do you have similar experiences?
To be honest, it sounds like she deserves better than you.
Ha, I was going to say she sounds too smart for him!
A lesson that took me a long time to learn, and at terrible personal cost, is that being smart doesn’t matter very much. I was good at academic stuff as a kid, so tons of adults told me that was the most important thing ever, and I’ve come to realize that was wrong of them.
Let’s say, as a fictional example, that I’m top 1% of the population in terms of some abstract measure of intelligence (IQ is an awful one, but let’s not get caught up on that). If no one values time spent with people on a lower rung, not only can I not spend time with the people below me on the curve, but people higher won’t spend time with me. That gives me such a tiny fraction of the population I can interact with, it’s absurd! Meanwhile, people smarter than me are still common enough that I’d encounter several a day – I’m hardly exceptional enough to be terribly important. What a lonely life that would be!
So three further lessons I’ve learned, and I think these are important, go something like this:
- Intellectual challenges are not scarce. They are a dime a dozen, I can invent them myself inside my head, or pick any number of other problems online. Sometimes I can get paid to solve them, whatever. So I don’t need more people to give me those. What’s really valuable are the people that challenge you to grow, to become more. It doesn’t take intelligence to look you in the eyes when you’re being a smartass, and ask you “Do you want to be right, or helpful?”.
- Better to look for (and learn from) people who are kind and wise than who are smart. The opposite of a great truth is another great truth, the opposite of wisdom and kindness are substantially less desirable.
- The harshest lessons in life are always when you trust the wrong person. Harsher still, is when this person was yourself. So it’s wise to enter all relationships carefully – with respect, I don’t think the fact you are thinking about this beforehand is wrong, but your focus might be misplaced. I’m just a stranger on the Internet though.
Better to look for (and learn from) people who are kind and wise than who are smart. The opposite of a great truth is another great truth, the opposite of wisdom and kindness are substantially less desirable.
I used to think being an asshole was justified if could back it up with the reasoning required to demonstrate you were actually better at reasoning than others.
Then I grew up and had to deal with those folks (and was exposed to Ben Shapiro). Good reasoning is useful in certain circumstances. Much, much better to invest in emotional intelligence and developing the ability to care about other people than not.
Your point 2 should be universal wisdom.
If only that there were such a thing :D
If you really have to ask such things on the Internet, I really wonder who should ask about whom here.
Better leave her be. If you feel that vastly intelectually superior, that relationship would be purely based on mere looks and your physical attraction. What are you? 12? No offence meant.
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But with great respect, the question isn’t about a supposed measured level of IQ. OP is just saying “she don’t seem all that smart, guv’nor” and use the term IQ as a short hand for this. I doubt OP has sat down and asked this girl to do an official IQ test. Not sure why this immediately has to descend into a discussion about fascism and white supremacy.
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No that’s not what I said. Specifically, it is not a secret to me or her an official disability certification by doctors that concerns a low intelective quotient, it is not the banality that many users have understood as an offence, here we talk about disability.
Fascist? I thought IQ testing was designed around the apolitical flavour of white supremacy.
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What’s your question exactly?
Should I start a more intimate relationship? Does anyone have similar experiences? Can this difference of intelligence create unpleasant situations for both of us?
Probably not. Does it bother you now, would you be embarrassed by her because of it? If yes, then definitely don’t.
I wonder if other qualities can overcome this, if perhaps intelligence in a relationship does not need (i have never had a relationship)
i have never had a relationship
Based on your posts I’d recommend you take what you can get and not judge a book by its cover.
Hope you’re not rejected by someone you feel superior to, as this can lead to your personality to be even less likeable than currently.
Back to topic: why do you ask people who don’t even know her?
What matters at the end of the day is wether you truly care for each other and wether you’re both happy. There’s a possibility that it would work out and a possibility that it wouldn’t. Your romantic partner doesn’t necessarily need to meet all your needs, intellectualy or otherwise.
Seeing as you don’t have any relationship experience I say go for it. There’s no harm in taking someone on a date. In fact that’s the point of going on dates, to know people better so you can decide if you want to pursue a relationship.
If she consents to having a more intimate relationship and you’re operating in good faith, cool.
If neither one of those things is true, just let it go dude.
One of my few friends has an intelligent quotient that is just above the lower limit for regularity. You can kind of see it, not in a forest gump way but a kind of absent-minded way, having a good memory but not much else. That doesn’t change much though; with his compassion, exceptional specialties, and surprising cunning, you would only notice if you put him outside his comfort zone. He’s also trustworthy as a result of his shortcomings, if you want to include a benefit in there.
“If intelligence is the size of a glass, knowledge is how much liquid you fill in it, and wisdom is what liquid you choose, what do you care about more? Choose wisely.” ~ Him, just now
If the conversations aren’t satisfying there’s no substitute for that
Are we talking casual sex or long term relationship? If it’s long term, I think you answered your own question. If it’s a fling, you may feel like you’re taking advantage of her. But I’m just a simple caveman, your box full of lights frightens me.
Yes the feeling to taking advantage is something, not casual sex or long term, i’m talking about the beginning.
I’ve been on some wild dates. My car broke down and I had a shotgun drawn when asking for help. On a first date with another girl, we drove to the top of a mountain to look at the city. There were about 5 guys drinking there and they made sexual comments about my date. She asked if I was gonna defend her? I told her I wasn’t going to the hospital when I had just met her. She wasn’t the one.
Thanks for sharing, not exactly the kind of lack of intellect I was talking about, but I understand what you mean. The girl I’m talking about wouldn’t be able to understand that some drunk boys are offending us, maybe she would smile thinking that everything is going well.
I think I was trying to convey that relationships are an investment. And if you aren’t getting reciprocal intellectual or emotional support, it’s not likely to work out long term. But you’ll need to do what’s best for you.
Reddit moment
I always feel like whenever somebody is making the specific point that they are so much smarter compared to somebody else they are just boasting their own trumpet.
Maybe you are smarter, Maybe you are not. Who cares? Are you developed on an emotional level to a point where you can deal with both so called smart and so called dumb people?
If you stop thinking about how smart people around you are and start working with them you’ll learn to get around through life.
If you like the girl, go for it. If you think she is not smart enough, let her go. But always respect people, because that is what they will remember about you.
And I personally learned that everyone you meet has the potential to surprise you because they think just a little different. Enjoy the variety, enjoy the challenge of communicating what you mean on different levels.
What do you mean by “no arguments”?
She obviously came to debate club unprepared. Major red flag, bro.
/s
Means that when talking together there is a lack of sharing and as an answer you receive only monosyllables as: Yes, no or OK.
Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to you? Or she’s just quiet, has social anxiety, etc. a million explanations. Not sure why you’re assuming intelligence of someone who you don’t know that well.
I’m not assuming, she showed up saying she had an intellectual decifict, a certified disability. I am a volunteer and I can recognize people with a disability, it is not the fantasy or stereotype any, this person lives in a reality of disability. Is that clear? is it possible that it is not clear and should be an impression? We talk everyday, the disabled exist, are certified and recognize. I like her, she’s sweet and pretty, not quiet, not anxiety, as a friend she’s perfect, her intellectual disability is not relevant, but in an intimate relationship I think there are other considerations, so the question.
There are so many red flags here. And yes, I know ID exists, I used to work with the population. You don’t sound like you respect this person though.
Do you give her a chance to talk?
I don’t get intellectual stimulation from my SO usually, to whom I’m married. Originally, I thought she was kinda dumb. Turns out, the stuff I find fascinating she finds intensely boring. And the stuff she finds fascinating I find absolutely disgusting. Like I’m getting an MBA and she’s getting a masters in midwifery.
For you, giving her a chance to talk about the things she finds interesting might help you discover where her strengths are, where she feels comfortable.
I think we are at different levels of understanding, as many other users cannot see what is the intellectual disability is. I’ve known this person for almost eight weeks,we talk everyday, she’s not stupid, she doesn’t do anything stupid, but she has an intellectual disability.
One word answers for any amount of time doesn’t itself suggest an intellectual disability though.
What else does she do? What is she interested in?
It’s kinda unrelated to your question but actually IQ have no much link with intelligence.
To come back to your question idk. I can’t give relationship advices, but it’s always interesting to learn to know peoples deeper especially if she really is that different of peoples you know.
Maybe you can give it a shot or try to befriend her instead. Again I’m misplaced to give relationship advices, just see these as ideas, maybe bad maybe good.
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