The breakthrough for me was realizing that in many cases what is happening is primarily a medical, neurological issue, not a primarily emotional issue. This means only neurologically focused solutions are properly effective.

An autistic nervous system is prone to over activation, and what a lot of people don’t know is this can cause nerve cell death through a process called excitotoxicity.

Not enough research has been done on meltdowns, but my theory is what’s really happening is excitotoxicity kicks in, nerves start dying, the body recognizes injury is occurring, and goes into a fight or flight state to try and defend against the source of the excitatory damage.

The key is to know how to deactivate the over-active nerves. And the easiest, fastest way to do that is through triggering endorphins. Endorphins will quickly switch off the nerves that are dying from being switched on too long.

Endorphins can be triggered quickly by favorite music, and vigorous exercise on the spot. Perhaps your daughter might have headphones at the ready with her favorite songs, and quick access to a jump rope or trampoline or other favorite physical game.

Btw pain also causes endorphin release, and I believe that is why so many of us self harm during meltdowns. But there are better ways to trigger the same physiological response.

In my own case I have tested this method many times by putting on loud music and lifting weights. I’ve halted meltdowns multiple times now this way.

Another option is exorphins, which come from foods that break down in the body to function similarly to endorphins.

These include chocolate, wheat products (gliadorphin), and soy products (soymirphin). When your daughter is old enough, caffeine is also in the list. I think autistic people intuitively feel the nerve calming effect of exorphins and that’s part of why we crave “beige” foods.

These things have to be tested individually per person though, because sometimes two autistic people can have complete opposite reactions to the exact same inputs.

But I’m confident if you can find endorphin triggers for your daughter, that she can learn to reach for by herself, and help her learn to recognize when her nervous system is in an over activated state, it will be hugely helpful. If you can get endorphins/exorphins taking action during that rising, rumbling phase you can often stop the meltdown, and if not you can reduce the intensity.

Also, once you understand the mechanics of what’s going on you stop feeling like you’re bad or weak person falling to be in control of your emotions. Instead you see and feel the truth, that you have a neurological disability that needs to be handled as a physiological issue, with kindness to yourself in order to preserve your own neurological health.

That would be an amazing thing for an autistic person to realize early in life, instead of carrying decades of guilt and shame. And I think it could potentially prevent a lifetime of cumulative nerve damage from compounding into chronic health issues later.

I really hope this helps, and feel free to ask me for any more information or related studies, resources etc.

I got diagnosed at the age of 30, at the very mild end of the spectrum. I have learned to “store up” the frustration, and then go listen to metal when I have me-time later on.

I’m autistic. You’re describing overstimulation. She is only 8, and it will take time for her to understand what is overstimulating and how to appropriately deal with it. When I am in an overstimulating situation I take breaks, for example taking a walk away from a party.

The thing about being overstimulated is it’s not something where you just take deep breaths and calm down and feel better magically. You need to be removed from what’s overstimulating you. Imagine being in a room of people who are all screaming at you and you are being pushed to continue to function despite that. That’s what being overstimulated is like.

Another important thing to keep in mind is not to push her to act neurotypical. When I’m around a lot of people I reach a point where I “shut down”. I am still actively listening but I am quiet and over talking. Make sure you and other family members are not pushing her to be talkative if she wants to be quiet. And assist her being able to take breaks or allow her to acknowledge she is overstimulated and remove herself from the situation. A huge problem, that I have experienced myself and seen other families do with autistic kids, is force them to act “normal” in overstimulating situations. That’s a great way to lead to a meltdown. If her siblings are neurotypical they might be doing this because they don’t understand.

Sometimes though things are out of your control or it sneaks up on you and you NEED to meltdown to feel better. She needs to figure out a way she can do that without taking it out on someone. Go to her room and cry, run around outside, yell outside, something. All of this is up to her to decide and figure out since it varies per person, but you can help her by reminding her she needs to redirect her meltdown and giving her the space to do so.

And just FYI, it’s not high functioning or low functioning anymore. Autism is now described by the level of support someone needs, because someone can appear “high functioning” in certain scenarios but need a lot of support in other ways.

I struggle with the same thing and what helps me is having tools that I can use to be “alone-ish” Sunglasses, noise cancelling headphones, or physically going to sit somewhere alone like on the floor. Helps me calm down faster. I wish I had some secret to calm myself and just keep going but I’ve tried a lot of things and it always takes time. Another method to reduce my meltdown duration is EARLY WARNING. Once I realize it’s coming I can use havening techniques or take a break. My service dog alerts me to this too and he can use deep pressure therapy to calm me down

My advise is to try to really understand the details in what causes the trigger. Not just on how it appears on a neurotypical surface level.

Think of it as trying to understand game mechanics.

In the case of social misunderstanding, is it:

• certain topics
• a specific word
• the tone
• the feeling of being misunderstood
• the sensation of certain emotions
• lingering emotions/feelings that where already present.

Also play close attention to different behavior when facing similar triggers, they can tell a lot about the root issue.

• Does it happen more frequently after school, in weekends, in public.
• What other sensory stimulation are around (tv, tl lights, itching clothing.)

Are there situations where the trigger is present but she does manage. Ask yourself questions why can she/i manage now but not other times.

Once you truly really understand what makes you tik (this can take years as things can have many layers) it becomes much easier to navigate and rationalize your life.

After reading all the other comments full of great advice, I wanted to mention I technique I use. If I’m really struggling to get through something I pretend I am a diffrent person. Like an actor. There is a great deal of recovery time, but in a pinch, difficult conversations, job interviews, and such, I can pretend to be another person who handles things flawlessly. Maybe do some roleplaying? Invent a superhero persona for her she can slip into when she needs to.

And thanks for being so understanding of your daughter. I had to figure everything out on my own!

My high-functioning son is 10 and and I would like your daughter to know it can get better. Keeping calm is a skill you can develop with time and patience.

Being outside away from people and in nature seems to help calm my son quite a bit. He is learning to be less triggered but sometimes he just needs time away until he can collect himself. Pets and stuffed animals seem to help him, too.