Weird title, I know. But I’ve recently found out that I’m pregnant with my first child. It’s an equal mix of anxiety, excitement, and anger at just how consumeristic having a goddamn baby is. So I’m curious how my fellow Solarpunks would handle the introduction of a new small mammal into their world.
My main concern revolves around Amazon and general gifting.
I live in the UK, but I’m from the US originally, and my family and most of my friends are back in the US. Their go-to for sending me anything is Amazon, because you can easily shop in the US and ship to my home in the UK. I’ve had mixed feelings about this for a long time, but now that my entire family is gonna want to Buy Something for Baby I’m especially cautious. I don’t want to tell them not to buy anything (Well I do, but more on that later). But I absolutely do not want to receive anything from Amazon. Environmental, economical, political, and ethical concerns aside, I don’t really trust items from Amazon to hold up like I’d want them to. Might not technically be an issue with baby clothes, since they’ll be worn for a day at most, but anything else I come into possession of needs to be sturdy enough to be safe, and to be able to be reused/passed down/given to other parents in the community when no longer needed.
I found a website called LittleList that’s a UK-based baby registry, which seems to allow people from anywhere to order anything to my door, and they even seem to have an emphasis on more eco friendly brands. My plan as a result is to tell people they can only order off of the LittleList registry, or they can just get a card for my family and/or baby. That said, I’ll take advice for either how to get people to actually listen to this request, or for other, better requests to make.
My other concern with getting gifts (and even buying stuff myself) is I don’t know what I’ll actually need and use, and I’d hate to buy or receive useless stuff just to clutter my house. Also, I’m in Scotland, so the government will send us a box full of baby necessities when baby is born. I hope I can use this little fact to convince people that really, I don’t need anything.
TL:DR; anyone have advice for how to keep people from inundating me and baby with cheap Amazon stuff?
I’m also wondering if there’d be interest in a solarpunk parenting community here, because god knows if I posted this on a generic parenting forum I’d get all kinds of people not getting it, and I know this won’t be the last weird question I have.
Congrats on becoming a parent! I remember the Amazon thing. I’m German living abroad and sending stuff over Amazon was the standard for my family when my little one was little. I only stopped using them after it became clear how awful they are.
As for people sending stuff, I’d say the way to handle it depends. Not sure if there’s some people barely internet literate who wouldn’t really know how to navigate another site? And they just want to express their awe of a new earthling in the family? I would just let them proceed, say thank you, and if whatever arrives is all too horrible someone else might appreciate it as a gift. I’ve recently realized how internet literacy really is a thing with older folks and they find it very hard to learn to do new stuff online.
Those in your family who are more likely to understand, capable of using different sites, and those who you will have contact with often, probably more worth educating your preferences.
Yes for having a parent group. I’m now a confused parent of a grown up (?? no not really, just legally) child (so fast, he was a baby yesterday I swear).
That’s a good point on internet literacy. I do have some older relatives who might not be able to figure out the weirder list sites. Or, geez, international money transfer…
I will consider starting a parent group! I’m 100% awful at reliably checking in (As evidenced by my responding to everything here a week later) but I don’t mind modding really.
Congratulations 🤗 . Tell them to send money instead if they wish to get something and buy what you need locally.
That’s a good plan, it might be tricky with international transfers… but maybe I can set my mom up as a “collection point” and have her transfer money to me once it’s been gifted. Though I might be overreacting about international-ness, I WILL be there in March to celebrate baby and I can just deal with American Currency Issues then.
Transfer wise will take the hassle out of it for you 😉. My family uses it all the time to do international transfers.
I wouldn’t recommend buying your baby on Amazon
Personally I would just do a public list that they all can read to avoid buying unnecessary junk. Anyway, if they use Amazon you can do a proper wishlist and just share it with them. I know it would be nice to avoid amazon but, honestly, you are going to raise a child soon, better pick more important battles like his/her education!! Don’t worry too much about the rest, just go for a comfy middle ground and then use your energy for the child :)
This is so true. Get ready for compromises. I’m coming up on the 2 month date, and the number of times we’ve just been too tired to shop or reticent to interrupt naps for trips is more than I expected by far.
The “buy it for life” mentality only goes so far when they outgrow everything in a couple of months or you discover your kid just runs hot, so a bunch of clothes that were bought barely see use or they just don’t like the shape of one bottle nipple vs others etc.
I’m glad to have the convenience of generous return policies and not having to stand in a customer service line.
The Amazon registry did use really well, but we signed up a bunch of them to nab all the free stuff. I highly recommend the Enfamil gift box. It had some really good stuff in there!
They’re all just gonna sell your data anyways to advertise to you. You might as well sell it yourself and get the goods!
Haha fair enough on picking battles… I’m already prepping for how the heck I’ll ensure they’re well educated. I work from home, and I work a 4 day week, but even then I think my dream of home education would end me.
I’ve got no advice on the Amazon stuff, but I’ve got some other general points since I’ve got a newborn now:
Buy as little as possible. People are going to gift you stuff, and you don’t need all the toys and doodads. There’s some bare minimums, but otherwise only buy stuff as you figure out you need it or it will make your life more convenient.
Have a registry. I’ve told everyone that my preferred gift is cash or gift certificates to the diaper service, and everyone fucks it off. You might as well target people towards stuff you need/want.
Buy used. 90% the things I’ve purchased myself for my kid is used.
On the flip of that, gift or resale everything you have when it no longer fits.
Cloth diapering. This is a huge environmentla impact. In my city there is a service, so they exchange all the diapers and covers once a week and do all the cleaning for me. I just use them and chick them in a bin. I’ve still got some disposables for edge cases (or when I go through all my cloth ones for the week…), but since the diaper service is already environmentally conscious, they sell some and they’ve already done the mental load of researching best options. I can’t speak to laundering them yourself.
Yessss cloth diapering. I’ve been working on sewing some even (including for years before I was pregnant) because I’m extra and ridiculous. But I haven’t found a local diaper service… might be smart. We don’t have a tumble dryer, so everything line dries, and while sun is good for stains and disinfecting and it will be Summer… it won’t be summer forever, and pulling a frozen nappy off the clothes line will only be funny once. Or twice.
We would just dunk the soiled diaper in the toilet to get the worst of it off and then toss them in the pail. Dump pail in washing machine and add soap. No biggie.
Having gone through this, I have to say it’s absolutely unavoidable to educate your parents and inlaws. Their consumerism will reach new heights with having a baby in the family. The best thing you can do is neglecting any gift that isn’t just money categorically from the beginning (I know, it’s probably not possible, but try your best). Also, be prepared to become a consumerist yourself. Kids, especially babies have so many needs and it can be really exhausting to say no when you haven’t slept in days. Also, if you’re not rich, sometimes you can choose from either just buying the cheap stuff or using your last bit of energy for doing it the old fashioned way.
But don’t worry, you’ll find your way eventually ;)
God I’m so afraid of (inevitably) becoming consumerist. Even if I’m 100% prepared for the Needs, there will be a tenth, hundredth, millionth time a kid just Wants something and I will not be able to say no lol
There are for sure situations where you cannot prevent it, but don’t worry: children primarily need love, as long as you’re looking good after your offspring, you won’t have to substitute through toys too much! They’ll be as happy with carriyng sticks and pebbles.
Politely thank people for what they gave you and then quietly donate it. I have tried so many ways to get family to calm down with the gifts for my kids but it never works. People love buying baby crap and you will be buried in it. I’m no good at saying no, so I just accept and donate. Someone will be glad to get it.
You can do a baby registry this time and it does work mostly, but this is going to happen every year on your kid’s birthday and Christmas (or any other gift-giving holidays you may celebrate) you can’t always send a wish list for that. I do put a “no gifts please” on birthday invites but nobody listens to it.
Congratulations and good luck! It’s hard but you’ll manage. Just remember that none of us parents have any idea what we are doing and children are all adorable, sweet, evil little irrational creatures. I love it (usually).
That’s a really good point on donating, nothing like Baby’s First Charitable Donation.
I had admittedly completely forgot about birthdays and christmas. Oops. Yeah this is gonna be a long task, isn’t it?
Also, thank you! And duly duly noted. I feel one step ahead now, because I also have no idea what I’m doing!
Join a local ‘buy nothing’ group. Kids outgrow stuff. When they’re small, this happens FAST.
Do check to see if items you’re getting used have been recalled. It happens more than you might think.
As a result, there’s a constant stream of parents with slightly older kids giving away stuff that they no longer need.
If people must buy you something, ask for something you’d be buying anyways and which is difficult to get used in your area.
Oh trust me, I have long since infiltrated my buy nothing groups. But duly noted regardless, because I need to start utilizing them more! And thanks for the advice on checking about recalls, I hadn’t thought of that!
LittleList, reminds me of baby registry similar to Target.
Make list of approved companies/websites that delivery to your location?
Let them know Amazon is not a preferred method due to previous problems with quality, and the like.
And if potential item they are buying is not a part of list, to please send a quick text/call so as to find a common understanding? This can be a role of partner/friends, to help answer questions on registry.
Oooh I like the friends taking on a role of gift… gatekeeper? Because on one hand, it lets me maintain the surprise, but also my friends are based where most of the gift-senders would be (The US) and it’ll be way easier for them to text a fellow American than god forbid texting the UK at international rates.
I also like this idea of approved companies/websites. Thank you!
Permanently Deleted
Convincing people to not give is actually really hard, I’ve tried doing this for Christmas for the last 3 years.
I quickly learned that entirely robbing someone of the joy of giving/helping in any way is actually pretty horrible. Giving really makes people feel like their life is well-lived.
BUT, you can change what they give and be really effective.
- Ask for advice. People love giving advice
- Ask for a list of newborn items they would recommend
- Then create some excuse (shipping, saving for big items, avoiding duplicate items, whatever) to recommend, if they must, send money instead of presents.
Be warned, you’re probably still going to get a lot of amazon stuff. It’s the lowest effort way to give, and that’s really hard to beat.
I like the “ask for advice” idea. I can ALWAYS use more advice (and it’s way easier to dispose of when it’s junk…)
I do hear you on not wanting to rob people of giving, it’s a nice feeling and I don’t want to suck the joy out of this experience for other people just for my personal Amazonian battles. I’m wondering if giving a nice card gives people the same level of joy (it does for me on both giving and receiving, anyways).
And yeah, that’s fair about it being hard to beat Amazon 100%. I figure it’s an uphill battle but I can at least sisyphus my way up a way meters.
Check on nearby shop’s online websites. Make a list, to share with your relatives. Highlight which have gift cards. You can even list things you would like to have because they might come in handy. Pretty much like some couples do for marriage. Plan a baby shower online too, maybe.
