Yeah, the aerodynamics were pretty confusing for me when I started as well, iirc there was a pretty old scott manley video that explained it well.
Essentially you want to keep the aero centre behind the centre of mass (COM), because this gives you passive stability (it stays straight). You don’t need control surfaces for this.
If you need maneuverability (like in an aeroplane) you want to keep them as close as possible, but keep in mind the COM will move over time because you use up fuel.
The optimal position for control surfaces are as far away from the COM as possible, because this gives you the most torque. Control surfaces close to the COM will just translate the aircraft instead of rotating it (like flaps on a plane)
Modern fly by wire jets like the f16 and su27 are aerodynamically unstable (aero centre in front of COM) but this isn’t really feasible in KSP unfortunately
cern should put kerbals in the lhc