• mindbleach
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    7 months ago

    Y’know what? I hope they get Keanu.

    I hope every actor returns, and they all half-ass it as hard as they can. I hope the whole cast does the movie sarcastically.

    I hope every subsequent film from this idiot robot studio in this zombie franchise is sillier and more self-sabotaging than the last, and they keep cranking them out anyway. Let the whole thing descend into SCP cursed-VHS-tape levels of self-aware vicious condemnation. The Matrix 6 has Slavoj Zizek, as himself, explain to Agent Smith’s ghost why he’s an asshole, and Hugo Weaving just sits there, stone-faced, in a silly hat. The Matrix 7 is mostly Lana and whatsherface dunking on conservative bigots with an in-character Greek chorus. The Matrix 8 has Will Smith as Neo opposite Laurence Fishburne doing a Sean Connery impression, but it’s all a joke at Will Smith’s expense, and apparently he’s into that. The Matrix 9 brings back Joey Pants for a stealth remake of Memento that’s mostly satirizing later Christopher Nolan. The Matrix 10 is a stoner comedy. The Matrix 11 is animated, so that David Zaslov will erase it from existence, and the series can finally die.

    • CaptDust
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      7 months ago

      Matrix 10 about to be good tho, Keanu can bring the Ted energy

      • mindbleach
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        7 months ago

        Letting Alex Winters do set design or cinematography for any of these would be genuinely fantastic. Some upgraded Agent interrupts a conversation and Neo slaps him in clean in half lengthwise. Pan left, smack, schlorp, pan right. Barely an inconvenience. 30 frames. The machines can’t be bothered forming a big floating head, so Keanu has a pivotal debate with three flathead screws forming a minimalist face on a square inch of floor. The Oracle is now a life-size claymation figure and absolutely nobody mentions it.

        • classic@fedia.io
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          7 months ago

          Wow I have to admit I came into this post with a negative perspective. But y’all have sold me on the upcoming sequels