I will be turning 30th in the next two months. Not really upset or scared about aging, but Im starting to feel down on myself when my wife, mom and dad ask about what I want for a party.
My wife turned 30 a few months ago and we rented a community center room for a few hours, fed everyone there dinner, hung out and then went out for drinks. That was pretty fine, but I’m dreading my own party.
I’ve lost contact with most of my friends over the last few years, but I try to not let it bother me. I’ll check in with 2 buddies once or twice a year to make sure they are ok and that’s pretty much it.
I am starting to feel like a loser for not having any friends though. I understand people don’t have as much time for friends as they get older, but after my 21st sucked, I tried to set a goal of making my 30th better with people I want to be around. Flash forward 9 years and I have no one to invite besides my immediate family and in laws
I’m trying not to say “truthfully I don’t care” as I wouldn’t make this post if it was true, but I’m leaning that way. Both of my parents just did their 50th and was a huge party both times. My wife had a bunch of people at hers. I am feeling like a loser having no one to ask, and like I’m going to poach my wife’s friend group if I want to fill the roster.
It’s such a weird feeling. I already feel exhausted keeping up with the small group of people I do talk too, but also feel like I failed because of some arbitrary rules/goal I set for myself 9 years ago. I am more than happy with my current life and this really never bothers me besides “landmark” life events. Last time I felt like this was planning my bachelor party when I realized I had no one to do anything with, but just took a weekend trip by myself to walk around a state park for a day or two.
Sorry for the rambling, I just feel off/weird about this whole thing. I don’t really ever feel the need for more friends, but when I have to do milestone events, I realize I’m really lacking in that area. Anyone else in the same boat or was like this before?
It’s actually normal for a married man to lose his “separate” friends and end up becoming more family-oriented and friends with his wife’s friends. Or, if he doesn’t end up being in that group, he may end up turning towards work for some of that same camaraderie.
Your situation sucks. It’s not uncommon though. I hope that takes the pressure off of you.
30 is a bit of an arbitrary number. Maybe you could make 31 or 32 the big year, and focus on trying to find new friends (or rekindle old friendships) until then. It’s harder than it was when you were younger. But if you had friends before, you can probably do it again!
Don’t feel embarrassed about your situation. Don’t feel embarrassed about inviting your wife’s friends (as long as you actually like them, of course).
Your birthday is ultimately about you. Not putting on a show or proving anything to anyone else.
Happy birthday, and wishing you many more ahead with many loved ones. Family and friends.