Two possibilities:

1. you never masturbate
2. you are a hypocrite

So what is it?

They, the scary women! Don’t worry, they can’t find you in your basement.

It sounds like you feel a little threatened by a dildo, are you not confident in your ability to satisfy a women? It’s okay to include toys, especially if your partner climaxing is important to you.

what a self own, dear genital.