I cancelled to go to a thank you dinner that was organised for a thing I volunteer at. It was a few hours before and I was feeling really sick but up until that point I didn’t think it was that bad. Most people in the group chat said to feel better soon but one of the organisers posted a whole thing about taking responsibility and informing at least two days beforehand since they weren’t able to cancel for me with the restaurant last minute. I didn’t say anything but that was really hurtful. As if I were choosing to be sick to inconvenience them??
deleted by creator
I know, but my local one doesn’t have any contact details and they refuse to reschedule. They are completely impossible to work with.
When my brother-in-law thanked me for not coming to visit my other in-laws because “well, it’s a bit awkward”.
It, in this case, being that I was the wrong race to marry his sister.
What the actual fuck.
Jesus christ. The nerve of some people.
This is a good question! Honestly I can’t even think of a time. Usually when someone says something insulting or hurtful, I just lose respect or consideration for them. After all, it says more about them than it does about me.
To add an example, I recently got told to “go back to my country you [lazy racial slurs]” by a MAGA loving shithead neighbor.
I was born here, and the old asshole who said it emigrated here less than a decade ago. It was a flabbergasting experience.
I mean, that’s just hilarious due to how absurd it is
Had a homeless guy get right in my face and shouted UGLY!
I know that probably has more to do with his life than mine, but it’s hard not to take it personally and wonder if it’s what everyone else is too polite to say.
It’s, as you have already said, most likely an emotional issue on his side.
There is no such thing as “the beauty standard”.
Well, yeah. I agree beauty is a flawed, racist, social construct that is just societal opinions in bulk. But money is also a fake social construct that has very real affects on everyday life. We can deconstruct the term “beauty” all night, but that doesn’t change the lived reality of being called ugly having a real, genuine, hurtful effect on my self esteem.
When I was told to get lost and go back to China because the pandemic reliefs were for the fellow countrymen.
Are you from China? Anyone who managed to escape that country should be praised, not told to go back.
Not China, but you know the rest… like that Laotian character from King of the Hills who gets asked “So you’re from China or Japan?” everytime.
Your from the ocean?
My manager introduced me at a company picnic to the guy who hired him years ago. We no longer worked in his org, but he was still someone who my boss admired. The guy had already had a few drinks and reached out to shake my hand. On my way to shake his, he happened to glance at my badge (I forgot I even still had it on) and noticed I’m a contractor.
“Oh, you’re a contractor?” As he immediately withdraws his hand. “Are you at least working to go full-time?”
He literally never shook my hand. It’s been over a year and I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. What a dick.
I used to be less-than-feeling-bothered about how a lot of people feel about my asexuality, I always thought it was just a simple hiccup in the science community, but over time let’s just say the revelations have sunk in as disheartening. I’ve been a pariah because of it, it’s the most common talking point when I see people jab at me, and even amongst acquaintances I’m told they’re dismissive of anyone saying they’re asexual.
Psychiatrists have told me it’s a flaw of mine, family members would think of me suspicious for it, and when I later found out the acquaintances of mine (who I still consider friends to an extent) are into Jordan Peterson (you probably know where this is going), I though “maybe I can paraphrase this great genius in their presence to help my case”, only to realize he is no genius and actually champions the idea of asexual dismissal. Pardon my French, but how hard is it to effing say “intimacy is NOT a given?”
Up until recently, asexuality hasn’t had any widespread slurs, but the label “worthless” really does it when you want a deep connection just like everyone else. Recently however, some slurs have developed, though for obvious reasons you’ll have to look them up, as this is Lemmy.
Weird how sex is simultaneously taboo and expected of people.
I think a lot of people believe reproduction is a living being’s only purpose.
It’s more like anything that deviates from how it normally works is considered contrary to the point of it all and thus that becomes taboo, i.e. the details of how you might like dressing up as authority figures to get the ball rolling.
Make no mistake, people in ancient times were fine starting the very first chapters of their scriptures with “and then the first man and first woman hit it off” which they no doubt relayed to people early in their upbringing.
How does exactly Jordan Peterson dismiss asexuality there?
He is asked by someone self defining as asexual: how can I do to have kids, I have not felt sexual connections but want to create children with my wife.
Then he answers the questions, like “hey, if you really wanna do this, you can try this steps. Also, you can explore if you are really asexual (see, he acknowledges there asexual exists) or if maybe it has roots on something else, and you should explore that as well”
How is that dismissing, did I miss something?
If it is because something in the lines of “well, you cannot tell people they maybe arent what they identify as” then Ok i guess. I don’t agree, I think a professional should explore all possibilities, especially when it is generaring discomfort to someone (as is the case with the person asking), but that’s just my opinion.
If it’s not in that line, I may have missed something.
That’s not quite what it is. She (the person who sent the letter) said that as an off-detail, she was asking how they might grow a family without physical connection, which is entirely possible. You don’t need that in your family if you choose someone likeminded to you. Of course, though, Peterson doesn’t read the whole letter, it’s normal to do highlights with those.
There’s also a bit of context. Sexuality is a large part of Peterson’s teachings, though he takes an exclusively popular political approach to it. To give the most relevant example, in one of his most famous teachings, he put forward the notion that incels are a result of society casting them aside, with this in turn owing its context to the incel movement, which consists of people expressing angst over disproportionate relationship statistics. He has said this a few times, it arises out of ideals stemming from the sexual revolution and culminates today in seizing the means of reproduction, to use a double entendre. For this reason, incels and asexuals are diametrically adjacent on the “who do I please” spectrum.
So then this guy comes along, who many wonder if he’s there just there to please, and then this woman asks the question in the letter. She never says “how do I be physical”, she’s asking “how do I find peace”, and with the context in mind, his mindset becomes a real awakening (not in a good way). Unlike being an incel, asexuality is not only a way we’re born as opposed to just some random identity, but it’s also the natural state of things, to have a drive is not necessary for life to exist. Side note, adoption is never mentioned.
My mother told me that she hated me. After a really dumb argument we had, as adults. I still talk to her and play nice in front of our siblings but I haven’t forgiven her and I don’t think I ever will. I lost a lot of love for my mother in a single day and then nothing anyone has said to me since has ever matched or beaten that feeling. How do you trump your own mother hating you? She moved on like she never said it. No apologies. Never mentioned it. You can call me every name and slur and hang me for all my fuckups and oddities, but you can’t hurt me. I’m already at 0 HP emotionally
Oof. Mine wrote me in a letter that she wasn’t my mother anymore. Later pretended she never meant it. 20 years pass. Then she writes me a message saying I ruined my kid’s life. I cut contact then. I still miss the friendly mom she sometimes was.
My mom wrote a similar letter with all that she thought of me. I picked it up and threw it out. Idc what it said there I never will. Bitch be even more self-centred then idk who, I have my flaws but I also know to try and not take it out on other (sometimes).
I don’t think she evel will be able to
Writing this kind of mean stuff, having the chance to re-read it, and then sending it anyway to ones own child is what gets me. Ugly things said in the heat of a discussion are not great, but to have the chance to sleep over it, think it through, and still going forward. Another level of mean.
To be fair she and my father where having a divorce and I reminded her of my dad a lot…lol. I understood why my dad separated when she started pulling that type of shit
I, in your stead, would fight back.
I seriously mean it. Drive up to her and explain her why she is such a stupid person. I guess that you will feel better then. It’s important to always be honest, and that includes sometimes saying difficult truths.
I have come to terms with the fact that some people are too damaged to be dealt with. Their perspective and handling of life and mine just diverge too much, and any effort spent trying to align these perspectives is bound to cause more hurt.
I think about contacting her so often. Once I got a birthday message from her sister, who she lives with. I mentioned the hurt and why I was not talking to my mother, and got back more of the same emotional abuse. Both aunt and mom are lost, out there with their anger and bitterness, and it’s not my job to retrieve them, as much as I would like to.
The fact she turned into a literal nazi in just a few decades (thank you facebook) doesn’t help the situation.
I don’t think she meant it. She probably said it in the heat of the moment and then forgot she even said it later.
Oh, you have no idea.
In an ideal world, every parent loves their child.
Unfortunately, some people do not live in an ideal world. There’s a lot of parents who mistreat their children, and that doesn’t exclude mothers, unfortunately.
oh damn.
my dad, two years ago, let himself indulge in a little narcissistic guilt tripping and it was the last straw for me.
for context, he was abusive enough that my mom left him, and the guy she’s married to now for like 30 years is a real piece of work. I was a bit much as a kid and got sent to live with him in the second grade. he hadn’t improved. I left summer before 7th grade and he never seemed to improve, including a couple stints in jail for what I would blame on criminal narcissism.
ANYWAY
he still smokes. inside. a trailer. and when we went down for Christmas on Sunday, December 26, he was offended we didn’t want to stay long or eat there. even though I told him we wouldn’t be eating there and specifically scheduled it with my brother to be there too late for lunch and too early for breakfast.
I promise I’m getting to a point.
when he tried to guilt me about not having a Christmas meal, and not even seeing us on Christmas (Christmas is 12 days!), I let him know that I will not be manipulated by that shit, and when he can apologize (and articulate why he should apologize), we can try to have a relationship.
### he told my brother that I was the one with the problem, he wasn’t going to apologize, he didn’t know why I thought I deserved an apology, and he didn’t need me.
### I said I would wait and I would outlive him.
he seems, lately, to be making some progress and he did apologize a year or so ago, but I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever really forgive him. he called like a dozen times crying and saying he didn’t understand and saying “I’m sorry” but put in no effort to actually say what he did to be sorry about before he figured out what the fuck was going on and gave me an acceptable apology.
but the relationship is fucking damaged. he ignored my boundaries and feelings, tried to manipulate me, my wife, and my brother and his family, then acted like I was being unreasonably by sticking to my boundaries. and I still don’t know if I believe he understands what I was upset about: I told him verbatim three or more times what a genuine apology would sound like and held his hand through putting the words together in the right order.
# so… I feel you
deleted by creator
My husband recently said that I had a nice ass when I was younger, but currently it’s “just something that happens to some women when they get older.” I’m 40.
yikes, what a dick. btw, daily squats work wonders :p
Did you tell him you preferred when his balls didn’t leave drag marks on the floor
Ass is ass. I’d take any ass!
I’ve only been offended at my work place once ever. I worked with another guy for years. We got along decently and I even went to bat against a senior in our company for him. When he retired he refused to shake my hand and my congratulations for retirement.
I still have no idea why he refused but that one got to me. I didn’t even have bugle dust on my fingers!
In real life or…? I’m insulted pretty much daily on here by some dipshit or another. In reality? Less. But as a queer person living in an area full of conservatives I overhear “faggot” said a lot. Generally not at me, but it’s still offensive and it makes me uncomfortable being around people who yell it at random people on the street as they drive by.
I’m out of the loop. What does “removed” mean?
You ran into a slur filter. The word that gets shown as removed is the one used for bundles of sticks and sometimes can refer to cigarettes in the UK.
Oh, thanks. I was super confused
So was I because I don’t see it that way on my instance. It was the F word. Not fuck.
is this a local filter that can be disabled? I’d rather get the full context of a comment than be protected from seeing hate speech
deleted by creator
The time this one dude lied to me with my friend so he’d have an excuse to talk to me. He wanted to get to know me and couldn’t fathom walking up and striking a conversation like a normal person so he asked my friend to pretend that they knew each other for a long time when I got back from the restroom. I found out when things weren’t adding up. I felt so manipulated that I had to walk out of the club to clear my head.
Many times by my mom. Recently in reference to me balding, she said “you look like a <family name>, that’s too bad”. It was so bad even my dad did a double take.
Removed by mod
As a marginalized person, it tends to occur more often than not; but, it’s not like that’s necessarily unusual.
There’s a comment here that would say that’s a you problem. Must be nice, not having your Identity be a matter of political “disagreement” for people.
Must be nice lol
