My mother told me that she hated me. After a really dumb argument we had, as adults. I still talk to her and play nice in front of our siblings but I haven’t forgiven her and I don’t think I ever will. I lost a lot of love for my mother in a single day and then nothing anyone has said to me since has ever matched or beaten that feeling. How do you trump your own mother hating you? She moved on like she never said it. No apologies. Never mentioned it. You can call me every name and slur and hang me for all my fuckups and oddities, but you can’t hurt me. I’m already at 0 HP emotionally
Oof. Mine wrote me in a letter that she wasn’t my mother anymore. Later pretended she never meant it. 20 years pass. Then she writes me a message saying I ruined my kid’s life. I cut contact then. I still miss the friendly mom she sometimes was.
My mom wrote a similar letter with all that she thought of me. I picked it up and threw it out. Idc what it said there I never will. Bitch be even more self-centred then idk who, I have my flaws but I also know to try and not take it out on other (sometimes).
Writing this kind of mean stuff, having the chance to re-read it, and then sending it anyway to ones own child is what gets me. Ugly things said in the heat of a discussion are not great, but to have the chance to sleep over it, think it through, and still going forward. Another level of mean.
To be fair she and my father where having a divorce and I reminded her of my dad a lot…lol. I understood why my dad separated when she started pulling that type of shit
I seriously mean it. Drive up to her and explain her why she is such a stupid person. I guess that you will feel better then. It’s important to always be honest, and that includes sometimes saying difficult truths.
I have come to terms with the fact that some people are too damaged to be dealt with. Their perspective and handling of life and mine just diverge too much, and any effort spent trying to align these perspectives is bound to cause more hurt.
I think about contacting her so often. Once I got a birthday message from her sister, who she lives with. I mentioned the hurt and why I was not talking to my mother, and got back more of the same emotional abuse. Both aunt and mom are lost, out there with their anger and bitterness, and it’s not my job to retrieve them, as much as I would like to.
The fact she turned into a literal nazi in just a few decades (thank you facebook) doesn’t help the situation.
In an ideal world, every parent loves their child.
Unfortunately, some people do not live in an ideal world. There’s a lot of parents who mistreat their children, and that doesn’t exclude mothers, unfortunately.
my dad, two years ago, let himself indulge in a little narcissistic guilt tripping and it was the last straw for me.
for context, he was abusive enough that my mom left him, and the guy she’s married to now for like 30 years is a real piece of work. I was a bit much as a kid and got sent to live with him in the second grade. he hadn’t improved. I left summer before 7th grade and he never seemed to improve, including a couple stints in jail for what I would blame on criminal narcissism.
ANYWAY
he still smokes. inside. a trailer. and when we went down for Christmas on Sunday, December 26, he was offended we didn’t want to stay long or eat there. even though I told him we wouldn’t be eating there and specifically scheduled it with my brother to be there too late for lunch and too early for breakfast.
I promise I’m getting to a point.
when he tried to guilt me about not having a Christmas meal, and not even seeing us on Christmas (Christmas is 12 days!), I let him know that I will not be manipulated by that shit, and when he can apologize (and articulate why he should apologize), we can try to have a relationship.
### he told my brother that I was the one with the problem, he wasn’t going to apologize, he didn’t know why I thought I deserved an apology, and he didn’t need me.
### I said I would wait and I would outlive him.
he seems, lately, to be making some progress and he did apologize a year or so ago, but I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever really forgive him. he called like a dozen times crying and saying he didn’t understand and saying “I’m sorry” but put in no effort to actually say what he did to be sorry about before he figured out what the fuck was going on and gave me an acceptable apology.
but the relationship is fucking damaged. he ignored my boundaries and feelings, tried to manipulate me, my wife, and my brother and his family, then acted like I was being unreasonably by sticking to my boundaries. and I still don’t know if I believe he understands what I was upset about: I told him verbatim three or more times what a genuine apology would sound like and held his hand through putting the words together in the right order.
My mother told me that she hated me. After a really dumb argument we had, as adults. I still talk to her and play nice in front of our siblings but I haven’t forgiven her and I don’t think I ever will. I lost a lot of love for my mother in a single day and then nothing anyone has said to me since has ever matched or beaten that feeling. How do you trump your own mother hating you? She moved on like she never said it. No apologies. Never mentioned it. You can call me every name and slur and hang me for all my fuckups and oddities, but you can’t hurt me. I’m already at 0 HP emotionally
Oof. Mine wrote me in a letter that she wasn’t my mother anymore. Later pretended she never meant it. 20 years pass. Then she writes me a message saying I ruined my kid’s life. I cut contact then. I still miss the friendly mom she sometimes was.
My mom wrote a similar letter with all that she thought of me. I picked it up and threw it out. Idc what it said there I never will. Bitch be even more self-centred then idk who, I have my flaws but I also know to try and not take it out on other (sometimes).
I don’t think she evel will be able to
Writing this kind of mean stuff, having the chance to re-read it, and then sending it anyway to ones own child is what gets me. Ugly things said in the heat of a discussion are not great, but to have the chance to sleep over it, think it through, and still going forward. Another level of mean.
To be fair she and my father where having a divorce and I reminded her of my dad a lot…lol. I understood why my dad separated when she started pulling that type of shit
I, in your stead, would fight back.
I seriously mean it. Drive up to her and explain her why she is such a stupid person. I guess that you will feel better then. It’s important to always be honest, and that includes sometimes saying difficult truths.
I have come to terms with the fact that some people are too damaged to be dealt with. Their perspective and handling of life and mine just diverge too much, and any effort spent trying to align these perspectives is bound to cause more hurt.
I think about contacting her so often. Once I got a birthday message from her sister, who she lives with. I mentioned the hurt and why I was not talking to my mother, and got back more of the same emotional abuse. Both aunt and mom are lost, out there with their anger and bitterness, and it’s not my job to retrieve them, as much as I would like to.
The fact she turned into a literal nazi in just a few decades (thank you facebook) doesn’t help the situation.
I don’t think she meant it. She probably said it in the heat of the moment and then forgot she even said it later.
Oh, you have no idea.
In an ideal world, every parent loves their child.
Unfortunately, some people do not live in an ideal world. There’s a lot of parents who mistreat their children, and that doesn’t exclude mothers, unfortunately.
deleted by creator
oh damn.
my dad, two years ago, let himself indulge in a little narcissistic guilt tripping and it was the last straw for me.
for context, he was abusive enough that my mom left him, and the guy she’s married to now for like 30 years is a real piece of work. I was a bit much as a kid and got sent to live with him in the second grade. he hadn’t improved. I left summer before 7th grade and he never seemed to improve, including a couple stints in jail for what I would blame on criminal narcissism.
ANYWAY
he still smokes. inside. a trailer. and when we went down for Christmas on Sunday, December 26, he was offended we didn’t want to stay long or eat there. even though I told him we wouldn’t be eating there and specifically scheduled it with my brother to be there too late for lunch and too early for breakfast.
I promise I’m getting to a point.
when he tried to guilt me about not having a Christmas meal, and not even seeing us on Christmas (Christmas is 12 days!), I let him know that I will not be manipulated by that shit, and when he can apologize (and articulate why he should apologize), we can try to have a relationship.
### he told my brother that I was the one with the problem, he wasn’t going to apologize, he didn’t know why I thought I deserved an apology, and he didn’t need me.
### I said I would wait and I would outlive him.
he seems, lately, to be making some progress and he did apologize a year or so ago, but I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever really forgive him. he called like a dozen times crying and saying he didn’t understand and saying “I’m sorry” but put in no effort to actually say what he did to be sorry about before he figured out what the fuck was going on and gave me an acceptable apology.
but the relationship is fucking damaged. he ignored my boundaries and feelings, tried to manipulate me, my wife, and my brother and his family, then acted like I was being unreasonably by sticking to my boundaries. and I still don’t know if I believe he understands what I was upset about: I told him verbatim three or more times what a genuine apology would sound like and held his hand through putting the words together in the right order.
# so… I feel you