Ah, so I’m right, it is depression. Not obesity. You know, a lifetime of being given bad health information can really screw with someone’s ability to manage depression. If she’s from a similar cultural background as you, she probably spent her whole life being told that obesity causes all her other problems instead of the other way around. But trying to lose weight with all those problems is putting the cart before the horse, it’s nearly impossible. And she’ll have tried it, have found it was nearly impossible, and have given up. She’s probably thinking “There’s no point going to therapy, even when I go to therapy I’m still fat and useless”. And that’s the wrong way to think. That kind of thinking keeps her depressed, keeps her unhealthy, keeps her fat. If you want to give her the best opportunity to fix her own problems, you need to create an environment where health is discussed in a factual and scientific way. Not an environment where all those problems are shorthanded as “she’s fat”. That’s the kind of talk that gets someone into a situation like this in the first place.
She wasn’t always depressed, she used to be this very friendly cheerful person (we’ve known each other for 20 years now, 7 dating, last 6 years married), but she was always fat. That never bothered me, I kinda like plump girls actually. But, yes, she has been obese for the past… oh, 7, 8 to 10 years though.
Health has always been discussed in a scientific way, we’re both intelectuals, we don’t just blurb stuff out of our mouths, or if we do, it’s always with a “my 2 cents” at the end (I think it’s like this, but I’m not sure). I don’t think that’s the problem.
And now she’s with gangrene (flesh eating desease) in a hospital… for the next 6 months probably and god knows how many operations. Obesity is not the main culprit in this, it’s the flesh eating bacteria, but obesity didn’t help either (can’t wash what’s deep between those rolls, combine that with sweat and bacteria, she has high blood sugar, another thing that she ignored for years, and it’s a perfect breeding ground for stuff like that). She was litelarly decomposing before I forced her to go to the ER (we either go, or me and the kid are gone)… still in the process of washing everything from the bedroom, the kid and me are sleeping in the living room.
She did lose weight when we were trying to have a kid, no doubt there, but that took so much enegry from me… she needs constant support and resurrance and love and hugs and converstaions for the same things, over and over again… I just can’t do it any more, it’s not just the 2 of us any more, the kid needs attention too, and that comes first in my book. Plus, as I said, I’m just tired of doing all that. She’s a grown up, she can take care of herself, I’m sorry, I’m just done. I gave up freelancing and a REALLY GOOD second income in order to be here for my kid instead of just being the dad that always works, I am not going to throw that time and energy (again) on her.
Ah, so I’m right, it is depression. Not obesity. You know, a lifetime of being given bad health information can really screw with someone’s ability to manage depression. If she’s from a similar cultural background as you, she probably spent her whole life being told that obesity causes all her other problems instead of the other way around. But trying to lose weight with all those problems is putting the cart before the horse, it’s nearly impossible. And she’ll have tried it, have found it was nearly impossible, and have given up. She’s probably thinking “There’s no point going to therapy, even when I go to therapy I’m still fat and useless”. And that’s the wrong way to think. That kind of thinking keeps her depressed, keeps her unhealthy, keeps her fat. If you want to give her the best opportunity to fix her own problems, you need to create an environment where health is discussed in a factual and scientific way. Not an environment where all those problems are shorthanded as “she’s fat”. That’s the kind of talk that gets someone into a situation like this in the first place.
She wasn’t always depressed, she used to be this very friendly cheerful person (we’ve known each other for 20 years now, 7 dating, last 6 years married), but she was always fat. That never bothered me, I kinda like plump girls actually. But, yes, she has been obese for the past… oh, 7, 8 to 10 years though.
Health has always been discussed in a scientific way, we’re both intelectuals, we don’t just blurb stuff out of our mouths, or if we do, it’s always with a “my 2 cents” at the end (I think it’s like this, but I’m not sure). I don’t think that’s the problem.
And now she’s with gangrene (flesh eating desease) in a hospital… for the next 6 months probably and god knows how many operations. Obesity is not the main culprit in this, it’s the flesh eating bacteria, but obesity didn’t help either (can’t wash what’s deep between those rolls, combine that with sweat and bacteria, she has high blood sugar, another thing that she ignored for years, and it’s a perfect breeding ground for stuff like that). She was litelarly decomposing before I forced her to go to the ER (we either go, or me and the kid are gone)… still in the process of washing everything from the bedroom, the kid and me are sleeping in the living room.
She did lose weight when we were trying to have a kid, no doubt there, but that took so much enegry from me… she needs constant support and resurrance and love and hugs and converstaions for the same things, over and over again… I just can’t do it any more, it’s not just the 2 of us any more, the kid needs attention too, and that comes first in my book. Plus, as I said, I’m just tired of doing all that. She’s a grown up, she can take care of herself, I’m sorry, I’m just done. I gave up freelancing and a REALLY GOOD second income in order to be here for my kid instead of just being the dad that always works, I am not going to throw that time and energy (again) on her.