Help the Onion is leaking into reality again

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Anyone that buys this is willful in their ignorance.

i actually think that’s plausible if he just moved closed boxes around. orange tan spray and hamberders would be even more plausible though.

This is the best summary I could come up with:

According to the May 2022 interview transcript, the former president’s valet Walt Nauta repeatedly insisted that he thought the boxes of classified documents on Mr Trump’s property contained news clippings, hairspray, shampoo, picture frames and other miscellaneous materials.

Mr Nauta told investigators that he was not aware of nor had he heard of any such incident, and noted that he normally sat at the back of the plane when travelling with the former president.

Mr Trump was charged in June last year by special counsel Jack Smith with illegally retaining classified documents taken with him from the White House to Mar-a-Lago after he left office in January 2021, and then obstructing government demands to give them back.

He was hit with additional charges in July accusing him of conspiring to ask a staffer to delete surveillance video at the Florida property in an effort to obstruct a federal investigation into the records.

Prosecutors said the footage captured Mr Nauta moving boxes of documents in and out of a storage room — including a day before an FBI visit to the property.

He is also facing two separate trials related to his efforts to overturn the result of the 2020 election, and another trial for allegedly falsifying business records in order to cover up payments made to adult film star Stormy Daniels and others to stop them from going public days before the 2016 presidential election about alleged affairs.

The original article contains 624 words, the summary contains 238 words. Saved 62%. I’m a bot and I’m open source!

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Bullshit. It clearly has “top secrat covfefee [sic]” written in sharpie on the side.

Only the best people lol

I swear, I thought I was hoarding the best hairspray. How could I have known there were top secret documents in those boxes?!