5 Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.
6 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
I grew up pretty Christian. That particular section (or book) has some pretty spicy stuff in it. There’s also other questionable sexual stuff in other areas. Like you’re supposed to impregnate your brother’s widow if they die without an heir, polygamy etc … It’s a book that’s incredible forward thinking for it’s time, but it’s time was like 6,000 years ago.
I’m sure there are not many PG ways to interpret this passage but if there was it’s not going to come from a teacher with no background in theology. The best part of this silly mandate is that teachers apparently have free reign to make the Bible say whatever they want. Make Jesus sound like the compassionate socialist he actually is.
To: Springfield High Educators
From: Springfield High School Board
It has come to our attention that some of our staff have been teaching Bible verses out of context. This has made some parents, particularly our esteemed LEOs, uncomfortable.
I hereby remind you that your contract binds you to a strict adherence to the Chart of Christian Values of Springfield and the Glorious State of Oklahoma.
For your next mandatory Bible Reading Session, please make sure to select passages that are in-line with those values.
LOL, wait till you read Ezekial 23:20 - There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
check out all the different ways they paraphrase donkey dick:
Solomon 4:5-6
It’s aboutta get spicy in Oklahoma
Damn I didn’t know it said I come in the bible
I grew up pretty Christian. That particular section (or book) has some pretty spicy stuff in it. There’s also other questionable sexual stuff in other areas. Like you’re supposed to impregnate your brother’s widow if they die without an heir, polygamy etc … It’s a book that’s incredible forward thinking for it’s time, but it’s time was like 6,000 years ago.
I’m sure there are not many PG ways to interpret this passage but if there was it’s not going to come from a teacher with no background in theology. The best part of this silly mandate is that teachers apparently have free reign to make the Bible say whatever they want. Make Jesus sound like the compassionate socialist he actually is.
I’d teach all the raping and incest and send homework in which parents need to participate finding the answers.
A statistics class where your grade is determined by “drawing lots” as it shows God’s desired grade…
pretty sure oklahoma will be nonplussed regarding incest.
To: Springfield High Educators
From: Springfield High School Board
It has come to our attention that some of our staff have been teaching Bible verses out of context. This has made some parents, particularly our esteemed LEOs, uncomfortable.
I hereby remind you that your contract binds you to a strict adherence to the Chart of Christian Values of Springfield and the Glorious State of Oklahoma.
For your next mandatory Bible Reading Session, please make sure to select passages that are in-line with those values.
Kind Regards,
LOL, wait till you read Ezekial 23:20 - There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
check out all the different ways they paraphrase donkey dick:
https://biblehub.com/ezekiel/23-20.htm
Oh yes, the Bible says Big Dicks are the Best!
the bible endorses donkey junk literacy :D
What we need are drag queens reciting these verses to children instead of that smut like Charlotte’s Web. That should make conservatives rejoice.
That might be a little bit too much"on the nose". But maybe the slaughtering of a live animal as a sacrifice would be more fun.
Let’s be real, conservatives don’t actually do “Bible stuff.”
Unfortunately true too often.