Once I had a horrible nightmare in which I was a guy in his 40s and a child predator as well. In the dream I had a red car and was stalking schools looking for teenage girls, offering them a ride.

There were no victims in the dream but woke up so disturbed it took me a whole minute to realize I was, in real life, a woman in her early 20s. It’s by far the most bizarre shit my brain ever dumped on me while asleep. Wtf.

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I don’t know about it being the weirdest, but a recurring dream from my late teens to the early 20’s has been seared into my memory that goes like this:

The way the dream starts varies, but a common version is me being asked to explore a staircase that was yet to be fully explored. Some versions has me go up, the others go down, and yet still others has me trying both. In some versions, I was sent with a team, the members of which succumbed to thirst, hunger, and fatigue as the expedition seemed to have no end. Sometimes, we (or I) discover that we’ve been going around “in circles” as we encounter the corpse of someone from our team who has earlier died, or I (in the versions I was alone) come across equipment I have abandoned way earlier.

In later versions, this has evolved into me (either starting with a team, but has since been whittled into just me) discovering an actual end to the staircase: a vast expanse of nothing but darkness. In there, I encounter some people (how they got there varies, some through the same staircase, the others through other means, and yet still others don’t know how). I somehow convinced them to join me in exploring the darkness. To do this, we arranged ourselves in a circle, facing outwards with arms linked. That way, we wouldn’t lose a person. We try to go off on a direction and explore the darkness that way. As we encounter more people willing to join us, they add themselves into the circular chain. It goes on and on, seemingly without end. The dark expanse just goes on and on forever.

In still later versions, this dark expanse is replaced by a huge subterranean cavern. Gone is the staircase, and I just dropped into the bottommost cavern. The same sequence of events as with the “dark expanse” version happens, but now, we can actually see where we’re going and there’s no need for forming a human circular chain.

In one late, and rare, version of this dream, we come across a well-lighted cavern whose center lies a shining stalagmite. We couldn’t approach the stalagmite, however, and just made that as a reference point in further explorations.

This recurring dream has become more and more rare as I grew older. I sometimes wonder what it all means, and why the dream changed over time. It seemed to have to do with my mental state at that time, but some things didn’t make sense. It’s also quite coherent as dreams go, which is probably why I still remember it years after.

Well, one stands out as particularly weird in its own way.

I was spending the night with this woman. For the first time. I was happy to be there, so my dream got pretty energized. Usually my dreams are rather mundane, like about cheese or something.

Anyway, this time I was an adventurer/explorer - full on Indiana Jones kinda thing. I entered this huge ancient complex of overgrown ruins - like a round opening in a mountain with small-ish carved out openings, like in Petra.

First I was alone. But then some wolves came, and I bravely fought them off. Then a gigantic bird attacked me, and I fought that one as well. I was on fire.

After all this I was getting tired, so I climbed towards one of the carved spaces in the mountain to take a nap. Just then another gigantic bird flew against me full speed, posing an immediate danger. As it approached, I reached out and grabbed the beak with all my might, ready to heroically throw it aside.

And the beak was… Soft? Like some Big Bird kinda thing?

Snap back to the real world, and I had just woken up my bedfellow by violently grabbing her butt cheek. Apparently it was quite painful. It was an awkward situation to have to explain.

I stood in an endless plane of dirty sepia. From every direction, millions of roads with billions of marching people converged on an impossibly giant being. It immerged at the waist from a bottomless chasm, a distorted and emaciated androgenous figure. It’s abnormally long arms coiled in front of itself in a mock of modesty for it’s nude form. It’s face ends cleanly just above the nose a flat plane where it’s skull should be.

Above it, a an equally large hole is open in the sky, ash rains down from the hole and drifts to gray the land. A rumbling knowledge in my head tells me that the ash is all that’s left of the marching figures as they drop into the hole below the being.

Periodically the being reaches miles into the distance to pluck a single figure by the skull. As it pulls they fractal out into a million reflections of themself, each a portrait of terror, agony, and ecstasy. The rumble shows me that these are the lucky ones, each will create a new path for others to march, though only if their minds survive the touch. Those that don’t are brought to the void of the being’s skull and dropped within.

The rumble in my head pulls me away to a waxy looking cave and I wake.

Nice try, dream cop!

I was inside of a Chinese restaurant. The walls were a mixture of red and gold, food was great, and I needed to go to the bathroom. I asked this young Chinese lady where the bathroom was, and she pointed to a door. I went to the bathroom and when I came back out I realized that the “restaurant” was some kind of non-euclidean space. I didn’t end up in the same place I came from, and with each corner I turned, even if I went back, I’d be in a new area of the restaurant, each one different to the other and each area not being logically consistent with the previous geometry. I woke up kind of freaked out because the dream was so trippy. Doesn’t help that I seem to have hyperphantasia either, so when I dream everything looks as real as it does in real life…

Quite a few but one of my favorites was - standing on the corner with a bunch of people waiting for the bus, when the ground began to rise beneath us and we rose, we were standing on the back of an enormous spider. Our bus was a giant spider.

The earliest dream I can remember was pretty surreal, I think i was around ~5 at the time. I was facing off against some kid I really didn’t like in a white void, only their colors were all wrong. Blue skin, purple hair, that kinda deal. All around us were these polychromatic sparks, buzzing around like flies in a really agitating way. Taking a swing at the kid, their face shattered like ceramic, and from underneath the cracks my sister started crawling out howling and screaming.

Yeah, i dunno

Had a dream that I committed suicide by leaping from a balcony. Afterlife was spending four years in school learning how to be a ghost.

Not the weirdest, I have too many and they are all bonkers, but one of the more “cohesive” and memorable ones I had was… 15-20 years ago.

I was Rick Mercier (this is all gonna be very Canadian brace yourselves) and I was interviewing Guy Lelibre or whatever the Cirque du Soleil guy’s name is. I was meeting him downtown so he could show my their newest greatest marvel, they were raising their tent using the CN tower as the centre pole.

As we watched in awe all these carneys working diligently, he asked me to grab onto this section of the tent. It had the texture of dryer hose, like a midweight plastic bag with thin wire ribbing. We grabbed on tightly and all of a sudden we were being pulled up hundreds of feet as we rode the tent up to the top, with tons of other Carneys in pairs doing the same as us. As we got near the top Guy pulled a release and the section of the tent we were on separated from the main tent and became/secretly already was a hang glider, and we started sailing east out over the beaches area.

All the other teams were hang gliding with us, soaring along the shore of the lake, looking for a place to land safely. As Guy steered us down and we landed I caught the eye of the Tin Man (from Wizard of Oz) and I thought “this is ridiculous, I’ve only met that guy one other time and it was also while I was hang gliding and landed near him! I’ll have to go explain myself!”

So we landed, and there was a small interlude where I was me and not Rick Mercer and I found a group doing yoga and one of them was a coworker, and she bought a sandwich to give to a homeless person, but this person wasn’t Toronto homeless* they were Sarah McLachlan singing about you starving in a third world homeless and I just felt so bad to have been hang gliding.

Then I realized we were pretty far from the core and the grand opening was approaching fast and I started searching for Guy. I found him and was like “how will we get back in time?!” And he smiled like Willy Wonka and looked over the horizon, where dozens of white horses**, all without saddles but wearing the feather hat thing, came galloping towards us.

They all split into pairs and peeled away to each of their respective Carney hang gliding construction team members, and without stopping we did the thing where you grab the horse as it’s running by and suddenly are riding. And with that, Guy, me (Rick Mercier) and the rest of the team galloped back towards the CN tower, which was now a giant tent, to witness the grand opening just in the nick of time! Fin

I will have outted myself with that post, as I share that dream whenever someone asks this type of question.

*Homelessness is a serious problem. I don’t mean to be insensitive, I’m trying to use few words to express an idea.

**Cirque du Soleil does not use animals, it’s kinda their whole thing, so this is the least realistic part of the dream but I like to think they are just union horse labour from the local RCMP/Toronto Police stables, or maybe the Medieval Times Horses trying to earn some extra cash…

One dream I remember is something I still wonder about. Was it some sort of sign or does it represent something? I dunno. But I remember I was in some sort of giant, deserted resort. Think The Shining. I remember seeing a red fox that kept bothering me. Whenever I would see this fox, it would yelp and bark which would call something. I don’t know what this was that it was calling, but when it got near, I remember I would hear something like a distorted violin play along with large footsteps and growls. I would run away from thing and I could hear it behind me chasing me. After running away from this thing and hiding in a small store that was filled with the evening sun, I remember seeing the shadow of this thing pass by the window. It was a large monster. And, followed behind it, and this is where I’m wondering what the meaning behind this is, I saw four women dressed in red jackets. They were jogging behind this thing. Three of them came into the store I was hiding in and found me. Each one had their own personality. One seemed to like me, one seemed to hate me, and one didn’t pay any attention to me. I don’t know about the fourth one. And, strangely enough, they were all Asian. Now, I’m not Asian so I don’t know if that has anything to do with anything. But, when I saw these women, I immediately thought of the fox. They were the foxes in human form that were chasing me.

Be me

On my phone

Screen suddenly goes dark, I look at my computer, screen flickers, then goes dark,

I look around the room, lights flickering then goes out

I look outside my window

HOLY FUCK A NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUD

Shockwaves approaching

Then I woke up…

The other dream was I was taking a train for some reason, then everyone in the train station became a zombie for some reason, the train arrives and everyone on the train are zombies. ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE. Then I woke up…

Most of my dreams are weird, it’s rare to not have a weird dream.

Some of my recurring weirdness is I have the power to jump way up into the air, above the treetops, and sort of hover there for a bit if I concentrate.

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