That part right there has to go. Before much of anything else can change, that belief must go.
Any number of people can tell you any number of times that you deserve better, but until this belief that you deserve to be mistreated actually changes in inside you, in your way of thinking day to day, little else will change in a meaningful way.
Good friends who treat you like humans help, it sounds like you found one of those so far. Good therapists help more, if you can find a good one.
I was told by literally everyone that if I had so many bad experiences with friends then the common denominator is me, the problem is me. No one would stand up for me when I was bullied right in front of them, they’d deliberately look away. My high school tried to expel me for almost being raped many times. And they’d still put me in the same gym class as the attempted rapists and imply I’m the problem for being uncomfortable exercising with people who literally sexually assaulted me. The stalker was only someone who “wanted to be my friend” by copying everything I did exactly or closest enough, and cornering me in the bathroom when we were the only people in there, all while she clearly despised me but was pleasant with literally everyone else so I deserved it. Imitation is flattery and whatever shit I fucking hate that quote, coloring red on your jeans to copy a period stain is not flattery. But if I don’t like it, I just need to get over it.
In this case I would say the school was the problem - and a I mean the teachers and people in charge by that. If they didn’t care for the atmosphere in the collective and didn’t actively work on making it good, or, as it seems, even made it worse by their approach, bullies were let loose, then there was really nothing you could do. The grown-ups failed you. You don’t deserve that.
“(you deserve it though)”
That part right there has to go. Before much of anything else can change, that belief must go.
Any number of people can tell you any number of times that you deserve better, but until this belief that you deserve to be mistreated actually changes in inside you, in your way of thinking day to day, little else will change in a meaningful way.
Good friends who treat you like humans help, it sounds like you found one of those so far. Good therapists help more, if you can find a good one.
I was told by literally everyone that if I had so many bad experiences with friends then the common denominator is me, the problem is me. No one would stand up for me when I was bullied right in front of them, they’d deliberately look away. My high school tried to expel me for almost being raped many times. And they’d still put me in the same gym class as the attempted rapists and imply I’m the problem for being uncomfortable exercising with people who literally sexually assaulted me. The stalker was only someone who “wanted to be my friend” by copying everything I did exactly or closest enough, and cornering me in the bathroom when we were the only people in there, all while she clearly despised me but was pleasant with literally everyone else so I deserved it. Imitation is flattery and whatever shit I fucking hate that quote, coloring red on your jeans to copy a period stain is not flattery. But if I don’t like it, I just need to get over it.
In this case I would say the school was the problem - and a I mean the teachers and people in charge by that. If they didn’t care for the atmosphere in the collective and didn’t actively work on making it good, or, as it seems, even made it worse by their approach, bullies were let loose, then there was really nothing you could do. The grown-ups failed you. You don’t deserve that.