I’m really sorry you’re experiencing all this. It has to be scary. I’ve not gone through this myself but a long time partner of mine went through something similar a good few times until she found the right combination of meds. I don’t know where you’re at, but no matter where you are will likely start at the ER. Do your best to tell them what you’re experiencing. If you’re in the US, they will likely take you to a mental health center for a three day stay. They will put you on some meds to stabilize your brain enough to figure out exactly what you need. And you will get some relief from these symptoms. It’s not a permanent state that you’re in. There’s help for this.

I’m picking up some pretty fatalistic language in your post, which I can understand. But please contact someone to help you with this. Support lines do a ton of good. You don’t have to go through this alone. People will help. You can always reach out here or to me directly and I’ll do what I can to help.