Thanks for reading
It sounds like you’re not okay. Do you have plans to get help for this? Do you need help?
There’s really not much I can do at this point. Even describing my situation is impossible. Too much brain fog and so much stuttering. Getting lost on the way to or from work. Walking into pillars and walls and apologizing to them then realizing I didn’t bump into a person. I’m literally falling apart at this point. Can’t take it anymore.
I’m really sorry you’re experiencing all this. It has to be scary. I’ve not gone through this myself but a long time partner of mine went through something similar a good few times until she found the right combination of meds. I don’t know where you’re at, but no matter where you are will likely start at the ER. Do your best to tell them what you’re experiencing. If you’re in the US, they will likely take you to a mental health center for a three day stay. They will put you on some meds to stabilize your brain enough to figure out exactly what you need. And you will get some relief from these symptoms. It’s not a permanent state that you’re in. There’s help for this.
I’m picking up some pretty fatalistic language in your post, which I can understand. But please contact someone to help you with this. Support lines do a ton of good. You don’t have to go through this alone. People will help. You can always reach out here or to me directly and I’ll do what I can to help.
988 probably got me on a list. this literally is like the thirteenth week in a row where I’ve called them at least three times. I’m so ready to just die already. I’m deteriorating. I will never “recover”. I was raised to fail and be the scum beneath everyone’s feet. I give up. My abusers won. I don’t want to be a game designer anymore. I don’t want to be an amazon manager anymore. I don’t want to be me anymore. I don’t want to be. I should have died at birth and waking up every day is a selfish decision to myself and everyone in my life. I need to fix my mother’s mistake and die now. I can’t do this anymore.
I’m proof that you should never have children if you’re not 100% sure your want them. Seriously. I really can’t take it anymore. Why does every way out have a chance of surviving and living a worse life
