I say that to lower the expectations of me, so in the event I’m wrong, I could pass it off as “I misremembered”
There are subjects in which I have formal training and extensive experience in. Here I speak with authority and don’t use slippery language; I may even cite sources.
There are other subjects that I read about once probably somewhere on the internet at some point in the last 25 years or so. Here I will phrase it as “If I understand correctly” or I might even pose it as a question inviting others to correct me.
I went to flight school during the time when we all thought System of a Down had recorded a song about the Legend of Zelda. If you don’t have an internal rating system about how reliably you “know” the things you “know” you’re probably not worth listening to.
I think a problem might be that even if you have an internal rating system, it’s still a spectrum and the other person doesn’t know what that percentage of confidence you have is. If you’re 95℅ sure, maybe you still want to communicate that it isn’t 100℅ since assuming you’re 100℅ sure might cause problems.
Things change all the time, even if it’s part of your field of expertise. Today, gorillas are technically monkeys and Pluto isn’t a planet, but lots of people are sure those aren’t true.
Well congratulations you just re-derived citing sources from first principles.
There are subjects in which I have formal training and extensive experience in.
Grammar clearly not being one of them.
I kid. Sorry, I’m a sucker for low hanging fruit.
My college public speaking teacher was also so sure that “wuddn’t” is not a word. y’all gotta problem w’how I tawk can get axe fucked. I’m drunk enough to let out the drawl, c’mon nao.
What fruit does grammar prescriptivist based dunking bear?
I will use slippery language for every statement unless you are family or you are paying 100$/hr 4 hours minimum. And then I will phrase in terms of “the trade offs and decisions that are available to you and why”
You sound useless.
That may or may not be the case, it’s true that you get what you pay for but sometimes you also get more than you bargained for. Really, it’s up to you and your risk tolerance level about possibly over paying for advice or risk missing out on a valuable advice. Anyway, I’m not here to tell you what to do, because you’re paying me enough.
The last sentence actually sounds incredibly helpful.
Lotta potential positions you could take with regards to that system, y’know. cracks epistemological knuckles, what ya got? How do you decide how much weight to attribute to a fact you heard someone else tell you? Who? In what context? That stuff doesn’t, I believe, have a pithy answer
We are in a post-trust world. We’re all probably better off just swimming out to sea.
And others use the words as they mean. So it might not be polite. Depends on the listener.
Sadly, for me in particular, I sort of remember and I’m probably right, but I’m ready to run away just in case it’s otherwise. My politeness comes from allowing others to correct me, which I do. Sometimes. Be honoured.
This is me 100%.
Though I’m probably right, I’m fine with being wrong. I don’t want to spread untruths. I’d rather learn the true thing and try not to forget it.
learn the true thing
Don’t forget some people would rather teach the false thing.
Same here, but I found that most ppl. overhear /do not register that I did in fact say ‘if…’ they go right ahead an presume I said :‘it is this way and I am correct’. Quite frustrating that.
There’s a non zero chance I’m in the matrix and nothing has ever really happened. I will never be 100% sure of anything.
You mean like a temporary hallucinations add-on attached to your individual program? Even so, its activation, modification or erasure would leave a log behind to mark it did happen in some form.
What we call reality is mere interpretation of evidence anyway, so while debating whether something really happened depends on our ability to find said evidence, it’s not enough to conclusively declare it didn’t actually happen in some way beyond our comprehension.
It is a nice hedge for when you can’t be bothered to spend time looking things up to support a claim and don’t want people asking
I’m often using “if I recall correctly” when I don’t remember the source of that info
I also use it when I do remember the source, but it’s too much work to find it again.
:/ that’s unfortunate. I say that because I’m iffy where I remember something from.
Same. It’s like a warning that I am possibly not correct.
I remember stuff quite confidently.
I always say “if I remember correctly” both as “cover my ass” and also, bait for anyone who subscribes to “alternative facts”.
I usually won’t bother correcting you if you try to correct me, I’ll just let you be wrong.
My head leaks like a sieve.
I’m covering my ass, AFAIK.
Speaking of which, Allegedly and Alibi are great girl’s names. So is Agenda
The names have nice abbreviations, Alle, Ali and Gen
I also do it to hedge, because even when I feel sure about something i acknowledge there’s a tiny chance i could be wrong
When I say that, it’s because I know my memory is terrible and I might be conflagrating multiple things into something new that only exists in my mind.
That’s so 🔥!
But the one time I don’t say it I in fact did not remember it correctly.
I feel like this is something that women have to do a lot (not that men don’t) to avoid being thought of as overly aggressive. I hate it.
I once had a (male) boss tell me (female) that to be successful as a leader in our engineering industry as a woman, you have to be a bitch. He was trying to encourage me to be less polite and more confident, but he also made it clear exactly what he thought of those confident women. I think he was trying to be a good mentor but it fucked me up, because I don’t consider myself a bitch, nor do I want to be one. It took me a long time to realize he was wrong, and that I can be a kind person and confident at the same time.
On the flipside, I was once given feedback that I’m “too direct” in emails and it came across as rude. What I realized was, it wasn’t the directness, it was the lack of friendly communication around it. You can say “I know the answer to your problem, do this thing” as long as you add in “Hi so-and-so, thanks for the great question! Here’s my brief reasoning, so I recommend you do this thing.” One is “bossy”, the other is friendly and acknowledges the recipient is an equal asking for advice, instead of an underling who should obey you because you said so.
I know the answer to your problem, do this thing
If it makes you feel better I wouldn’t be remotely put off by a response like that
It must be difficult to know what to make of that kind of feedback. Some people value indirectness, others value directness, and many people value both, at different times. And then there’s the sexist aspect of some responders. Sigh.
I wonder if this is gender or industry or country. I’m in government info tech and we are pretty tolerant of single line emails stating an undecorated answer or solution
Or perhaps we’re not but I don’t hear about it due to being male, tall, and grey haired
That’s exactly why I (a man) do it. Because I’m trying to be polite about you being wrong and before I put your nose in it, I’m giving you a chance to acknowledge your mistake.
It’s diplomacy, but yeah, apparently some men are still extra salty when the messenger is a woman. Go figure.
Same. I have been working where I work much longer than my boss. I know the relevant requirements better most of the time. I don’t throw that in their face. Plus, even if I’m right, they can (in the moment) pull rank and enforce whatever they want. I remain humble in my assertions and in return they almost never pull rank. It’s a good balance. My boss actually depends on me to know the requirements and be able to tell everyone what they are. Then, they just enforce them. Win-win for me.
It is just admitting that you are able to be wrong, because most humans can’t handle someone stating something, being corrected, and then accepting the right answer without an ego based conflict.
Not really. I do it a lot as well. It gives you a space to backtrack if you need/want to.
Personally this is something I do with my parents because if I make them feel bad for being wrong I’m the bad guy
It’s like using “just” in emails. Guys don’t do it, but women are seen as bitchy or bossy if they don’t.
“I’m just checking in about the progress on [x]”
Versus
“I’m checking in about the progress on [x].”
The latter feels much more direct. Women will tend to use the former while men will tend to use the latter. Because for guys it conveys authority; I’m checking in on this, you should have an update. While for women they need to downplay their authority; I’m looking for an update, but don’t mind me. Because if women stop using “just” they’re suddenly seen as demanding, bossy, too authoritative, etc…
I’m a man and I still use “just” because even if a man doesn’t use it I see them as aggressive and dickish. I feel it’s just more polite to use it.
Here’s what I think is going on, a lot of the time: Some people who come from harsh environments or harsh families think that they have to constantly sort of push people around, to show that they can’t be messed with. And they react very badly to being “pushed around” themselves, in their mind. Wven if it’s not that at all, just someone who knows more than them telling them something. It comes from having to jostle for position in a harsh and unfair environment. They have almost this survival instinct where they can’t ever be on the bottom of the pile, and they’ll start fighting against anything they perceive as putting them there, even if it isn’t. And I feel like there’s a lot of overlap between that mentality and the “business” mentality in some white-collar settings.
It doesn’t even have to be sexist, although it can be. It’s more just a hyper-reaction to anything that comes across as threatening to their authority or their position. I think some people with that mentality will seize on gender if they need to, as the reason for why some particular person can’t possibly be “above” them in the hierarchy and needs to get back in their place. But they might seize on some other reason just as readily if the “threat” is a man. The only type of people they won’t do that to is people who can sort of “hold their own” in terms of combatting with them for dominance. Those people, they’ll be comfortable with, because when they try to put them down unfairly they’ll stand up for themselves firmly and so they regard them as “an equal” where everyone else by default is not.
In other words I think it comes from insecurity and causes a needless pain in the ass in a business setting because it makes them hard to work with. Although, I don’t know, maybe if you asked them about me they’d tell you all about how I’m the one that’s hard to work with.
Yeah cuz people who know they’re right are never wrong - ask any MAGA.
And then the person you’re talking to says, “Well I definitely recall and you are wrong.”
And that’s when you bust out the internet searches and see who is right.
And then they get mad because you humiliated them in front of all those people, and carry a grudge about it and say you’re vindictive and “have to be right about everything.”
Not everyone is like that, of course.
“You were very confident and I doubted my memory. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t spreading misinformation.”
One of the quickest ways to deflate the person’s argument, especially in a social setting. It makes you look humble and makes them look like an asshole if they keep going at it. If you want to subtley needle then, you can also apologize if they felt attacked by being corrected.
this. its like two types of people. I will never say anything is for sure. If I say 99% sure that is about the top for me. I recognize that there could be something untrue somewhere in my statements but I know other folks were if they are over 50% sure they definately know.
I add it because I’m always 99.99% sure I’m right but like I’m not gonna be the asshole confidently spreading misinformation.
Except for the few times I didn’t add it and ended up being wrong.
I say it because my neurodivergent ass memory is my mortal enemy and decides on its own what to remember or not so I have about a 60% confidence on any statement unless it’s a special interest.
