We need a team of, say, New Zealand ex rugby players with a proven disinterest in football, and a passion for rules and fairness. Any other sport or nationality, really. Just not British prima donnas who have been threaded through our sport like knotweed for decades.

“Nous sommes L’obbs” *inserts Eiffel Tower silhouette

There’ll be helmets and pads before you know it. This all started with the tacit acceptance of the word ‘jersey’. IT’S A TOP, ALRIGHT? Shirt, at a push.

Foreign players with no history of English football connections. And no secrets to be leveraged by mysteries betting rings. Or how about ex players from a completely different sport?

Gold Minger

Is there a managers union? They should vote with their feet and veto all interviews for a couple of months. But I doubt they’d all do it.

Wouldn’t be surprised if we lose to NM, prompting a national debate which unsettled the team with our best chance in decades. Panicked last minute changes to the team, to placate the vocal minority, lead to being dumped out at the first knockings, and The Sun and certain sections of social media blames the player with the darkest skin. It’s at tale as old as time.