Ladies and gentlemen, it is with a heavy but utterly amused heart that I share this breaking news: about two weeks ago, masked assailants stormed our top-secret HQ and dragged our beloved mod, verity_kindle, off to one of those “pray the plane away” camps. Apparently, their drugs must be top-notch, because she’s now claiming she’s no longer aerosexual! Yes, folks, she’s turned in her mod card to pursue a life of toilet-training pets, daily bathing, and other hippie crap. What a betrayal.

In light of this travesty, we’re honoring her request for a proper send-off: a full-blown Roast. She swears nothing is off-limits—so don’t hold back. After all, she broke the SACRED MOD OATH™, and there must be consequences!

For those who don’t know, verity_kindle was here from day one. When we bailed out on Reddit en masse, she stepped up and helped turn this place into a true home—while juggling her own battles with cancer, no less. (Sadly for us, my assassins still haven’t succeeded in finishing her off. She’s annoyingly resilient like that.)

But hey, she’s not dead yet, so we’ll all have the pleasure of seeing her around now and then—even if she’s gone full hippie and refuses to get high off jet fuel with us anymore. So take advantage of this moment and roast her mercilessly. She deserves it for forsaking the planes!

All jokes aside, we really do love you, verity_kindle, and we’re thankful for everything you’ve done. Now let’s bring the heat, people—after all, she asked for it!