I fully believe that your babymum is a bad parent. But what does her weight have to do with her parenting skills?? You called her fat as though it was the same thing as her bad parenting.
She can’t play with him, can’t get on the ground and play legos or with cars or whatever. She can barely walk more than 100m, so she can’t take him for walks and on the playground, can’t play hide and seek, can’t pick him up, can’t hug him properly…
I mean, I’m sorry, but if your weight (something you have complete control of) gets in the way of you parenting, then… I’m sorry, but you’re first and foremost, extremely selfish, and second, a bad parent. We all have minor weight issues, no doubt there, my BMI isn’t perfect as well, I have like 25, 30 lbs plus, but… this is something completely different. Weighing 320, 330 lbs is not healthy. Having stomach hernia for 4 years and doing nothing about it, is not healthy. She’s ashamed of her body, I get that, but man, there is nothing I would be ashamed of if that thing comes between me and my kids… I’m sorry, I can’t find it in my mind to justify that behaviour.
There are plenty of 330 lb people who can play lego on the floor and go for a walk in the park. You’re conflating weight with the rest of her health. A 4 year untreated stomach hernia isn’t the same thing as being fat. Honestly, with health problems like that, it sounds like her own life is a worse hell than the kid’s. There’s no amount of laziness that makes you harm yourself like that, that’s indicative of an absolutely crippling mental disability like depression or something. Your babymum doesn’t need to lose weight, she needs therapy. Badly. I don’t think she’d become any better as a parent if she lost weight and continued having those health problems. This is the kind of problem that begins at the psychological level, and physical health would definitely follow psychological health if she started getting better. I don’t think any kind of physical intervention can permanently help someone who just cannot look after their own health that badly.
She is taking medication for her depression, but she stopped going to the therapist (no point, as she put it). You try and recommend a different therapist, she says there is no point. You try and recommend to maybe see a psychologist, again, no point.
No matter what I say, it’s always a no or a dumb excuse. The same is true for more or less everyone else that recommends something.
There is no point. You have to want to be helped in order to receive help. I can’t make that happen, she has to be the one to make that first step.
Ah, so I’m right, it is depression. Not obesity. You know, a lifetime of being given bad health information can really screw with someone’s ability to manage depression. If she’s from a similar cultural background as you, she probably spent her whole life being told that obesity causes all her other problems instead of the other way around. But trying to lose weight with all those problems is putting the cart before the horse, it’s nearly impossible. And she’ll have tried it, have found it was nearly impossible, and have given up. She’s probably thinking “There’s no point going to therapy, even when I go to therapy I’m still fat and useless”. And that’s the wrong way to think. That kind of thinking keeps her depressed, keeps her unhealthy, keeps her fat. If you want to give her the best opportunity to fix her own problems, you need to create an environment where health is discussed in a factual and scientific way. Not an environment where all those problems are shorthanded as “she’s fat”. That’s the kind of talk that gets someone into a situation like this in the first place.
She wasn’t always depressed, she used to be this very friendly cheerful person (we’ve known each other for 20 years now, 7 dating, last 6 years married), but she was always fat. That never bothered me, I kinda like plump girls actually. But, yes, she has been obese for the past… oh, 7, 8 to 10 years though.
Health has always been discussed in a scientific way, we’re both intelectuals, we don’t just blurb stuff out of our mouths, or if we do, it’s always with a “my 2 cents” at the end (I think it’s like this, but I’m not sure). I don’t think that’s the problem.
And now she’s with gangrene (flesh eating desease) in a hospital… for the next 6 months probably and god knows how many operations. Obesity is not the main culprit in this, it’s the flesh eating bacteria, but obesity didn’t help either (can’t wash what’s deep between those rolls, combine that with sweat and bacteria, she has high blood sugar, another thing that she ignored for years, and it’s a perfect breeding ground for stuff like that). She was litelarly decomposing before I forced her to go to the ER (we either go, or me and the kid are gone)… still in the process of washing everything from the bedroom, the kid and me are sleeping in the living room.
She did lose weight when we were trying to have a kid, no doubt there, but that took so much enegry from me… she needs constant support and resurrance and love and hugs and converstaions for the same things, over and over again… I just can’t do it any more, it’s not just the 2 of us any more, the kid needs attention too, and that comes first in my book. Plus, as I said, I’m just tired of doing all that. She’s a grown up, she can take care of herself, I’m sorry, I’m just done. I gave up freelancing and a REALLY GOOD second income in order to be here for my kid instead of just being the dad that always works, I am not going to throw that time and energy (again) on her.
I fully believe that your babymum is a bad parent. But what does her weight have to do with her parenting skills?? You called her fat as though it was the same thing as her bad parenting.
She can’t play with him, can’t get on the ground and play legos or with cars or whatever. She can barely walk more than 100m, so she can’t take him for walks and on the playground, can’t play hide and seek, can’t pick him up, can’t hug him properly…
I mean, I’m sorry, but if your weight (something you have complete control of) gets in the way of you parenting, then… I’m sorry, but you’re first and foremost, extremely selfish, and second, a bad parent. We all have minor weight issues, no doubt there, my BMI isn’t perfect as well, I have like 25, 30 lbs plus, but… this is something completely different. Weighing 320, 330 lbs is not healthy. Having stomach hernia for 4 years and doing nothing about it, is not healthy. She’s ashamed of her body, I get that, but man, there is nothing I would be ashamed of if that thing comes between me and my kids… I’m sorry, I can’t find it in my mind to justify that behaviour.
There are plenty of 330 lb people who can play lego on the floor and go for a walk in the park. You’re conflating weight with the rest of her health. A 4 year untreated stomach hernia isn’t the same thing as being fat. Honestly, with health problems like that, it sounds like her own life is a worse hell than the kid’s. There’s no amount of laziness that makes you harm yourself like that, that’s indicative of an absolutely crippling mental disability like depression or something. Your babymum doesn’t need to lose weight, she needs therapy. Badly. I don’t think she’d become any better as a parent if she lost weight and continued having those health problems. This is the kind of problem that begins at the psychological level, and physical health would definitely follow psychological health if she started getting better. I don’t think any kind of physical intervention can permanently help someone who just cannot look after their own health that badly.
She is taking medication for her depression, but she stopped going to the therapist (no point, as she put it). You try and recommend a different therapist, she says there is no point. You try and recommend to maybe see a psychologist, again, no point.
No matter what I say, it’s always a no or a dumb excuse. The same is true for more or less everyone else that recommends something.
There is no point. You have to want to be helped in order to receive help. I can’t make that happen, she has to be the one to make that first step.
Ah, so I’m right, it is depression. Not obesity. You know, a lifetime of being given bad health information can really screw with someone’s ability to manage depression. If she’s from a similar cultural background as you, she probably spent her whole life being told that obesity causes all her other problems instead of the other way around. But trying to lose weight with all those problems is putting the cart before the horse, it’s nearly impossible. And she’ll have tried it, have found it was nearly impossible, and have given up. She’s probably thinking “There’s no point going to therapy, even when I go to therapy I’m still fat and useless”. And that’s the wrong way to think. That kind of thinking keeps her depressed, keeps her unhealthy, keeps her fat. If you want to give her the best opportunity to fix her own problems, you need to create an environment where health is discussed in a factual and scientific way. Not an environment where all those problems are shorthanded as “she’s fat”. That’s the kind of talk that gets someone into a situation like this in the first place.
She wasn’t always depressed, she used to be this very friendly cheerful person (we’ve known each other for 20 years now, 7 dating, last 6 years married), but she was always fat. That never bothered me, I kinda like plump girls actually. But, yes, she has been obese for the past… oh, 7, 8 to 10 years though.
Health has always been discussed in a scientific way, we’re both intelectuals, we don’t just blurb stuff out of our mouths, or if we do, it’s always with a “my 2 cents” at the end (I think it’s like this, but I’m not sure). I don’t think that’s the problem.
And now she’s with gangrene (flesh eating desease) in a hospital… for the next 6 months probably and god knows how many operations. Obesity is not the main culprit in this, it’s the flesh eating bacteria, but obesity didn’t help either (can’t wash what’s deep between those rolls, combine that with sweat and bacteria, she has high blood sugar, another thing that she ignored for years, and it’s a perfect breeding ground for stuff like that). She was litelarly decomposing before I forced her to go to the ER (we either go, or me and the kid are gone)… still in the process of washing everything from the bedroom, the kid and me are sleeping in the living room.
She did lose weight when we were trying to have a kid, no doubt there, but that took so much enegry from me… she needs constant support and resurrance and love and hugs and converstaions for the same things, over and over again… I just can’t do it any more, it’s not just the 2 of us any more, the kid needs attention too, and that comes first in my book. Plus, as I said, I’m just tired of doing all that. She’s a grown up, she can take care of herself, I’m sorry, I’m just done. I gave up freelancing and a REALLY GOOD second income in order to be here for my kid instead of just being the dad that always works, I am not going to throw that time and energy (again) on her.