I got a COVID infection a while ago that permanently disabled me pretty bad. Bedridden, unable to move much, etc.
The thing that really helped me was relaxing and listening to music. That’s what I spent my days doing as I couldn’t do much else. I became a real music nerd and just loved the bliss of hearing music.
A little later (two years). I got another COVID infection — I was taking very strong precautions, and couldn’t see anyone. It turns out I got it from my doctor. Anyways, this infection caused some brain damage which has caused me to mostly loose the ability to hear. And now I’m still mostly motionless alone in bed, but I haven’t even got the comfort of sound or music. Just a mostly silent (tinnitus filled) world.
I’m so scared of getting covid again. But mostly I miss the world and my old life. Being stuck alone in bed with only the internet for company sucks. People tend to be arseholes online. I can’t help but feel I got “natural selectioned”. Me and my wife were planning on having kids soon. Now I barely see her and I’m going to slowly die in a nursing home. There are specific genetic vulnerabilities to illnesses, and natural selection works with them (see what Europeans coming to America did). And I got fucked here. COVID was my end.
It absolutely sucks that this happened to you, I would literary not wish your fate on anybody in the world. I won’t use this to tell my own sob story, but have you tried getting into video games? Most have accessibility features. Get “Factorio” it basically runs on a potato and you will unironicaly forget what the sun looks like. Sound is not important either.
Space Age is right around the corner. I’ll emerge after winter.
Just in time for the Project Zomboid B42 update, and its back to the cave.
The internet is a poor companion these days. I didn’t even know that covid could do such things to you. That is awful. I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. Are you able to use hearing aids? They’ll change your life for the better. Costco has pretty affordable top of the line hearing aids, respectively. Get an evaluation and find out!
I’m sorry for your loss of the lifestyle you cherished. Just a random thought: If hearing aids won’t work for you, you could try feeling music instead of hearing it, while it won’t be the same, sensing the underlying beat could help evoke your imagination again and possibly help you rediscover your favourite tunes and new ones.
Definitely the internet is a mixed bag, with lots of doom and gloom, and more cynical and controversial takes elevated to the top. There are also corners of the internet that are positive, definitely go visit them more. Reading fiction and learning from non-fiction literature may be more of a personal comfort than the internet may be.
You have had a major loss.
I’m glad you are still with us to share this story. You wrote in such a clear and eloquent way; it’s clear you cared very much about us that you took the time to communicate effectively.
My father is currently in a nursing home (just for normal end of life stuff). He was a deadbeat most of my life and treated his health really poorly.
It’s cruel that he was able to live the way he did and live for so long, while you’ve done nothing to “earn” your maladies; yet, you’re both in a similar situation (except no one wants to go see him, because of him being a PoS for most of his life). You don’t seem like a deadbeat or a PoS, so as far as I’m concerned, you win.
I hope things turn around completely for you and you’re restored back to full health.
Covid was an ugly part of the world. Music was a beautiful part of the world.
is there are beauty left?
Nothing but feels for you friend, that’s rough and I can’t imagine what it must be like. I too am coming to grips with my own disabilities, a spine injury putting me into a wheelchair. Losing a sense on top of everything else you mentioned is horrific.
If I may be so bold, I found a lot of peace, zen and understanding in the book “What doesn’t kill you”. I recently finished and it was incredibly gratifying to read about how other people struggle with life changing medical events.
Knowing anything about it I have to ask… would bone conducting headphones work?
I would suspect they would not work. The damage from Covid appears to be neurological and bone conducting headphones only bypass the mechanical components of the ear.
someone tells you major life altering loss and grief from two years ago, don’t try to offer solutions to fix the problem.
There are corners of the Internet still out there where you can find some really great people to hang out with; like 70% of my friend group is people who all meet through online games. We get together in person weekly or so now but still regularly play games together and hang out. I know it’s no replacement for all you’ve lost, but maybe playing games with friends could be some comfort? Or some other hobby or interest group that can be engaged with online?
I don’t know your circumstances, or what you’ve tried or can try, but you could look into cochlea implants.
And while nothing about this is ideal or easy, I hope you are able to find your way to heal and rebuild from this trauma. Grieve. You’ve lost a lot. But please don’t give up on yourself (or your wife) quite yet.
Cochlear implants don’t fix brain damage.
I got COVID related tinnitus, avoiding beans, and certain soy based oils helps slightly, but it’s not consistent.
I stay healthy by doing painful amounts of exercise each day even if it feels like it’s killing me. It often feels like dying, and sometimes makes me very depressed (all my energy going into it, and being unable to think clearly after). But pushing my exercise limits every day, taking at most one day a week off for rest/recovery has helped.
That’s just rotten luck. You feel like your life has ended, and I can see why. But it hasn’t. There’s more strength in you than you know, even still.
If you have a favorite song, have you tried going to a lyrics site and imagining the song as you read? It’s not as good as the real thing, but maybe it’s a way to keep those songs alive in your heart.
Fucking sucks but it was impactful to read your story. I’m guessing you’re properly deep in the supplement community, but if you want to chat about them lmk
I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t really have any advice but you’ll be in my thoughts OP, I hope you get better
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Sorry I’m sure your nice people but I don’t want authoritarian propaganda spam
How is this relevant to the conversation?
what a bizarre plug. “grieving? try going to a middle school classroom!” the internet is indeed a cold place, man…
You think that covid has damaged their brain enough to turn them into a maoist? I doubt it.
Did you get vaccinated? Please say you did, and that you weren’t one of the dumb ones falling for all this bullshit. The vaccines, even if they don’t keep you from falling ill - greatly reduce the effects of Long-Covid, and the problems they cause with the body.
Dude, read the room.
This is 100% inappropriate to ask. While I am also very pro-vaccine and frustrated at the anti-vaccine movement, you’re talking to some who is grieving the loss of a major part of their life. Saying all this is on par with “Did your mom X with you” or “This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t Y so much” to explain disabilities. No one owes you their medical history and shame on you for asking. You’re fishing to put personal blame on to someone so you can get a sense of smug schadenfreude from another suffering. Let’s say the answer is yes, are you truly here to do a victory lap?
Let’s say the answer is yes, are you truly here to do a victory lap?
Yep. And if the answer is no, then I’ll offer my condolences and probably do some research to see what opportunities for treatment they have available - so that I can help in the way I know best.
what a smug piece of shit. not just because you want to gloat at another’s suffering, but because you are fucking arrogant enough to this that you can help find a solution to a problem OP has had for years.
Do you really think that OP is that much of an idiot that it took them two years to find some random asshole on lemmy to Google shit for them?
You need to do some introspection, holy shit
I have helped find solutions for a handful of people’s medical issues over the years.
I’ve found doctors often don’t care to do this research themselves. You too can help; as someone who cares about this stuff often times a patient’s best hope is usually a family-member who is diligent in asking questions and educating themselves further.
So piss off, internet armchair expert. Doctors aren’t infallable as you may think; and I’ve known plenty to simply don’t give 2 shits and do not look further into stuff such as this.
Doctors aren’t infallable as you may think;
The irony of raging about anti vaxxers while using their talking points.
Yep.
Well that is just an outright cruelty. Fucking stop.
And if the answer is no, then I’ll offer my condolences
Do that anyways.
probably do some research to see what opportunities for treatment they have available
Holy shit don’t. This post isn’t your personal call to action. OP’s doctors know far more about their treatment than some rando online. OP is venting, not asking for your personal medical advice.
Please, try to understand what you are doing here is harmful, not help and learn how the disabled community is begging people to stop saying these things.
You’re speaking to a troll, by the way. This isn’t new behaviour.
OP has lost their hearing, is bed-ridden, and has lost their future plans. And here you are kicking them while they’re down. There is absolutely nothing appropriate with anything you just said in your comment.
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There is absolutely everything appropriate with it.
If I gouge out my eyes, and then complain to everyone I’m sad now that I’m blind, I’m the one to blame for it. Why would anyone feel pity for me?
Honestly, you sound as bad as those anti-vaxxers, sitting all high and mighty on your throne of shit. You think you’re better than OP because how dare anybody get sick if they were smart enough to get vaccinated like you. Your world is so black and white you cannot possibly fathom any grey in between. It’s ideologies like yours that hurt the rest of us the most.
If they fell for it, then they’ve effectively destroyed their own life. I’m not going to be sympathetic towards antivaxxers. The whole world worked as fast as possible to get people protected. If this person then rejected all of that work, all of that effort, and ended up like this? – Then they did it to themselves.
You don’t have to be sympathetic. You also don’t have to be an asshole and rub it in. You know nothing about this person, and yet you’re so quick to pass judgement. I pity you more than I pity OP.
You should probably pity OP more. They lost the genetic lottery on this one. I haven’t had COVID. I’ve been actually harassed and bullied because of the protections I took.
So fuck antivaxxers.
This isn’t about you.
