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I’ve been leaning more towards the “not” side for a while. A frequent thought is “I don’t want to live like this anymore, and if this is the only way I get to live, maybe I don’t want to live.”
Time to get help!
I’ve tried, believe me, nothing works. Therapy doesn’t do shit, medication doesn’t do shit, I’ve been like this for ten years now and it just keeps getting worse. Seems like there’s no way out but the easy way out.
So I have treatment resistant major depressive disorder. I didn’t get relief for my depression until I was thirty-four. With my medical history and trauma background, only one in ten people matching my description make it to adulthood.
Lemme tell you, I kept trying new things, kept trying new meds, kept doing it even though it was exhausting and awful and I would rather have been dead. And finally, I found something that worked for me. And now! I can say that it was actually worth it. All that time I spent in the hell of every day, in the “nothing can be worth this,” it all paid off.
I’m not saying you should do or not do something. I just wished someone could tell me, then, that it would’ve been worth it. So I’m trying to say to you, that someday, it might.
Thank you for this comment. I really needed to read exactly that right now. I am so glad you are doing better.
I hope you get to, someday! And we can laugh and reminisce about all the bullshit we went through to get here.
What was that something that finally worked for you?
I had a very talented doctor realize I had ADHD and they were going about treating me all wrong.
My current antidepressant is mirtazapine and it’s the only one I need. (It was prescribed for sleep, also. I have delayed sleep phase so I absolutely require sleeping medication.)
If you have ADHD, and I don’t really make serotonin. How could anyone expect an SSRI to help me if I don’t make the seratonin to selectively uptake??
Glad you found some peace. It’s what
everyonemost people deserve.
have you considered an h2ome? Thinking about living in an h2ome always gets me through the hard times.
There is no right, there is only is.
I have waking panic attacks. Meaning i wake from a dead sleep and am instantly in fight or flight. My dr. thinks i have nightmares, I don’t.
It’s absolutely horrible. Imagine sleeping peacefully, you roll over to get more comfortable then BAM, heart pounding, jump out of bed because my legs have to be in motion, somethings wrong, very, very wrong, the walls of life are closing in ,it’s all over, everyone hates me, even my family. You break down in a hysterical rage of tears, cant catch your breath, look at the clock, it’s only midnight, you’ve been asleep for an hour. Try to fall back asleep, pass out with the TV on an hour later because the darkness horrifies you. Rinse and repeat every 2 to 3 hours until it’s time for work. Your coworkers talk shit because you’re always grumpy. Consider ending it all, but then who would be there for my boy? He depends on you, he loves you. Do what you can to make through the day. Every new day is more difficult than the last.
Anyways,
I have a panic disorder. While my symptoms manifest from different sources, the outcome is similar. For some background, my panic disorder seems to relate to a phobia of physical bodily processes and the accompanied sounds. (My fight-flight-freeze response can be triggered by the sensation or sounds immitted from my bodily process.) I’ve used different coping mechanisms over the last decade to combat the disorder, but after an incredibly rough January, I sought out additional help. From there a learned to think of my disorder in a different light.
The fear of the [insert thought] is okay to have, it’s the catastrophizing that’s the problem. Catastrophising is the true culprit in the positive feedback loop that is my panic disorder. To clarify this discovery, the fear of being afraid and the thoughts that accompany the build up cause the panic attack, not the subject of the panic. If that makes sense…
Anyhow, it has taken months to practice this new defensive train of thought, and I certainly haven’t been successful in diverting panic attacks in every scenario. However, recognizing the early moments of panic helps set my mind at ease. Additionally, I’ve significantly changed my diet, cutting out 80% of fast/fried foods and tried to have 6 hours of physical activity per week.
Hope my experience helps, or at least the idea that your not alone in this experience.
[Obligatory disclosure, I am not a professional, nor should you act on anything said. Instead, consider this strictly as an anecdote]
It makes perfect sense. I struggle to put what you are saying into practice however. I know Im strong enough to control it. It’s folks like you that are able to figure out ways of maintaining the attack that give me hope. Thank you for your response, I feel heard and less alone knowing I’m not the only one. I don’t know you but I have love for you and hope you continue to stay on top of your symptoms. Much love, J.
If you ever want someone to talk to then dm me. I’m sure I need it more but whatever lol
Do it for your boy, he needs you. Hope things get better friend.
Do the only thing you can do: when you wake up like that, start working out.
You’re up anyway, may as well get fit.
While that’s a wonderful idea. I’ve been down that road. Gym at am. Lift until I can’t move my arms any longer. Unfortunately it doesn’t work, I’m just twice as tired when it’s over.
I need to rewire my brain. I.e. restructure the way my brain thinks
Are you able to find another doctor? Because that doctor seem like a bad doctor.
I know this is completely counterintuitive, but if you can sit with that wrong feeling without panicking, it will go away faster. Just accept that it is there. Don’t fight it. The more you fight your emotions, the harder they grip you.
Only way out is through. That mantra got me through some pretty bad mental health crises
I agree. Mindfulness. Meditation. Just let the feelings happen. I call it being OK with not being OK.
stupid microbiome making me sad
:(
Yeah
The Disassociation is real.
Check out depersonalization or derealization.
when theres nothing left
When you drink alcohol. Or conversely, when you stop drinking so much alcohol and exercise instead.
Gotta find purpose.
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Man, you are really just a purely despicable piece of shit, huh?
No one asked for your cookie cutter advice. No one asked for your input that does nothing other than ignore literally everything about someone and shove your own stance on it. No one asked for this at all. Especially when half of that shit is functionally fucking worthless.
Astounding that you say avoid energy vampires when you yourself kill every ounce of energy in the room. Only energy I have right now is unbridled hate towards you.
Get fucked.
Diet meaning: does it have more that 4 ingredients?
What in the scaremongering bullshit even is this advice?
