I know you just bought this house two months ago, but that ain’t a septic tank, that’s a pipe leading straight into the underdark. Do you want svirfneblins climbing outta your toilet? You gotta get a sewer hookup. I know this is just how they did it back when the house was built, but that ain’t how it works these days. It was out of code then, and it’s out of code now. I’m gonna be back in a tenday, and I really don’t wanna have to fine you. I’m gonna leave you the Adventurer’s Guild’s business card, they got a department specifically for this kinda high risk plumbing.

“Pal, look. If you had your gold coins stacked in your cave, and put in a couple tables, we’d just call it a ‘counting room.’ Then we’d be talking maybe a little citation for not spacing your dragon-discouragement columns close enough together. But what you’ve got here, with all your gold and gems and statues just like…piled up on the floor? I gotta be honest, I don’t know how you don’t at least have a little wyrmling in here yet. This is absolutely a hoard, and if we don’t remediate now you’re gonna need exterminators by the end of the week.”

Do they drive around in a green minivan?

I think having the party be a team of building inspectors would make an interesting adventure premise. An authority figure hires them to assess ruins and decrepit sites to make sure nobody is turning them into evil lairs. Gotta keep the riffraff out. In some cases the party would find villains in the act of setting up shop. Other times this isn’t happening but they must contend with a site’s own resident evil. Or the place itself is totally clean but the seemingly normal village inn nearby is infested with unspeakable horrors.

If I think about it this is really just a variation of when the local baron hires you to clear a forest of monsters before building a new village.

edit: typo

This sounds like a Discworld plot invoking relatable 21st century Roundworld problems like absentee landlords and lack of housing.

God, I wish Terry Pratchett hadn’t died so soon.

I back Vaesen on Kickstarter and this would be prefect for that.

“Look, you got a large body of water on your property that isn’t fenced in. If a women falls in their and dies, we’re looking at a Rusalka moving in. Here’s your order to fence in pond.”

Playing Planescape: Torment is how I learned most of the bureaucracy of at least some parts/planes of D&D because there is a conversation between a demon and a devil at a bar where they are arguing over some mundane aspects of the governments in hell/the abyss and they go into extreme detail about various shit.

I think it’s not just how much gold one has, but whether it can be categorized as a “horde.” You may only have a small amount of gold coins, but if you leave them in a messy–but not too messy–pile, you could end up with a small dragon sleeping on top of it.

Look, we simply cannot approve these tower spikes. I know you think it’s “cool” and “menacing”, but if we say yes it will be only a matter of time before you put spikes on your platemail as well, and start wearing eyeliner. Then we’ll have to secure your portcullus against oiled up barbarians with thick Bavarian accents and designate this whole area as “straight to VHS” land.

These sound like great prompts for an Acquisitions Incorporated game, or maybe something set in Discworld

Remind’s me of this essay.