• nukeOPM
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    4 months ago

    BREAKING NEWS UPDATE

    RUSSIA JUST DEPLOYED THEIR STRONGEST, MOST CAPABALE WARRIOR TO KURSK … Steven Seagal

    • nukeOPM
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      4 months ago

      Even better picture of Seagal displaying his expert weapon handling skills

      • mozz@mbin.grits.dev
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        4 months ago

        Needs to be the GIF of him going down a hallway switching from holding his rifle right-handed to left-handed when he changes his pointing direction

        • Aganim@lemmy.world
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          4 months ago

          Ah well, we don’t need a moving GIF to see this is the absolute pinnacle of manliness that Mother Russia has to offer.

  • nukeOPM
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    4 months ago

    THE LEAKS CONTINUE

    WE NOW HAVE VISUAL CONFIRMATION OF U.S. SPECIAL FORCES INVOLVEMENT IN KURSK

    • adarza@lemmy.ca
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      4 months ago

      this WILL show up on russian tv where they claim americans are part of the ‘invasion force’.

      • nukeOPM
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        4 months ago

        AS IT SHOULD. THIS IS REAL NEWS. NOT FAKE NEWS. REAL. THIS NEWS IS CERTIFIED GLUTEN-FREE, CAGE-FREE, AND HAND-CRAFTED BY ARTISAN CRACKHEADS. WE’RE TALKING NON-GMO, LOCALLY SOURCED, ORGANIC CRACKHEADS.

    • Semi-Hemi-Lemmygod@lemmy.world
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      4 months ago

      Point of order: The A Team were convicted of a crime they did not commit, and escaped from a military stockade. This means they are not US forces, but, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.

  • rustyfish@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    Hear me out!

    The best these blokes ever came up with were their specials. So, we throw them off the Ukrainian battlefields with parachutes, where they each have to salvage a burnt out Russian armoured vehicle. Then they can show off how they personalised their tanks before the race starts. Whoever reaches Moscow first wins.

      • Maggoty@lemmy.world
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        4 months ago

        Jeremy Clarkson, Challenger. Talks up the mk 3 but shows up with a mk 1 somehow. Maintains superiority of his tank because it has a tea kettle.

        James May, Leopard. Gets the latest model, stands on it’s smooth ride.

        Richard Hammond, Abrams. Somehow shows up with upgraded engine, but less armor. Anything to make it go even faster.

      • Summzashi@lemmy.one
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        4 months ago

        Jeremy Clarkson rolls up in a BM 13 Katyusha with raised suspension. The license plate says ClarksonOrgel

  • nukeOPM
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    4 months ago

    UNCONFIRMED REPORTS THE NAVY SEAL HAS ALSO BEEN ACTIVATED

  • Diplomjodler@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    Just make sure Clarkson doesn’t get dinner. He’ll beat up the entire Russian army single handedly.

  • nukeOPM
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    4 months ago

    THREE SUSPECTS CAUGHT ON CCTV EXITING THE KURSK NUCLEAR POWER PLANT. DOES ANYONE HAVE MORE INFORMATION???

    • mindbleach
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      4 months ago

      Putin has declared the man at center Publix enemy number one.

      • Clay_pidgin
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        4 months ago

        Burn notice was fun. Sam Axe (Bruce Campbell) is the man.

        • verity_kindleM
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          4 months ago

          “CIA? Bunch of bitchy little girls.” -Sam Axe capturing the hearts of the world

    • verity_kindleM
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      4 months ago

      Oh, they are. Look how serious their expressions are. It’s always the unkempt, gormless looking one who turns out to be Head of Station or some secret shit.

  • verity_kindleM
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    4 months ago

    They’re more dangerous than SAS, they’re retired TGT.

  • Pringles@lemm.ee
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    4 months ago

    Looking for some of that black earth farm land for the next season of Clarkson’s Farm.