#womeninmalefields is describing common situations and phrases that women experience and turning them upside down by switching genders.
The analogy to this one would be a man telling a surgeon to surgically tighten a woman’s vagina after giving birth. This is a common and disgusting joke.
Common and disgusting, but unfortunately not always a joke. You probably know this but for the benefit of others who may not be aware, the Husband Stitch is a real thing that used to be pretty commonly done regardless of what the woman wanted and often without her foreknowledge or consent. It’s an extra stitch or two placed when sewing a woman back up after a vaginal tear or episiotomy during labor. The purpose is to make the woman “tighter” so her husband can still enjoy having sex with her even though she’s given birth, which is staggeringly misogynistic and cruel. And it usually results in really painful sex for the woman because her vaginal opening is artificially small plus now it has inflexible scar tissue. It’s a horrific thing to do to a woman, especially after giving birth.
still enjoy having sex with her
If you need that to enjoy your partner you don’t deserve them. That disgusting
Thank you for providing additional information!
Another thing to note is that the episiotomy itself is no longer a recommended procedure for routine births. The incision lengthens recovery time and brings complications of its own.
Unfortunately, medical violence is a thing and many professionals, even when saying the episiotomy is a decision for the woman, put it in such a way that the message conveyed is that the episiotomy makes giving birth easier and quicker. What is witheld is that it makes it easier for them.
Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.
Speaking as someone who would have been stillborn if not for a C-section, there are some surgical procedures that are kind of important.
A C-section is a surgical act and extremely important as it has the potential to save lifes, both of mothers and children.
The matter at hand is not about deeming all medical acts performed during a delivery as useless but to acknowledge that many are performed routinely without need and even without the agreement, previous information or consent of the woman and mother to be.
One such is that oh-so-important act being routenily abused, with doctors pushing it to women with the argument that it is the safest way to plan the delivery. But planning a delivery is only a concern for the physician. If a pregnancy is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the delivery will be complicated, why point women to an unnecessary surgical act?
“If a … is normal under all aspects and there are no telling signs the … will be complicated, why point … to an unnecessary surgical act?”
Minzdrav, is that you? /j
Americans, please, for love of everyone you love, nationalize your healthcare.
Giving birth was turned into a surgical event, when it is only a phisiological one.
How can a woman give birth without the machine that goes PING?
Which one?
Seventh. Or you mean the machine?
Which machine?
I was under the impression it was forthe woman’s benefit, that it is easier for a cut to heal than a tear. Is that not the case? Is the risk of tearing overblown?
I think you actually have that backward. In general, a jagged tear heals quicker than an incision because there is more surface area in contact between the two pieces, so a larger number of cells can be working to repair the tissue. That said, I’m not a doctor and it’s been 10 years since my wife and I looked into this before our first kid, so I may be misremembering.
These days, an epesiotomy is done to direct the tear. If the tear is allowed to happen spontaneously, it can go through nerves, arteries, and pelvic floor muscles, greatly increasing the chances of permanent problems with things like prolapses or fistulas at worst, and more commonly, long term problems with incontinence.
Nope, you got it right: my wife had to c-sections and afaik they cut just enough tissue to make possible to tear it apart. It healed very well.
Glad your wife healed well; my wife had three c-sections and the first one was done by a very old-school OB in an emergency situation, so she never stood a chance. That said, even old-school c-sections are better than my wife and son dying in childbirth, so I’m still grateful for modern medicine, but it would have been nice if it was a little more “modern”
Were the second and third child almost guaranteed to be born by C-section? My GF first childbirth had 2 incidents that had risks for the second pregnancy. We were a bit scared for the second birth. But it when the opposite way. She almost gave birth in the car. There wasn’t even an hour and a half between the first real contractions and the birth of our child.
I’m asking because I am curious to hear about different experiences than mine
It’s not about the surface area, a tear heals without creating a straight line of inflexible scar tissue in flexible tissue. You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you don’t have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you don’t have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet
In general, it’s the opposite though - a sharp cut heals much faster than a rip, there’s far less damage to repair
Thanks for the explanation!
You recover faster and better, because you distribute the new connections throughout the tissue, you don’t have this one rigid perforation to tear, so you don’t have to be healed up all the way before you can get back on your feet
Isn’t this a function of the surface area, though?
I mean…sort of? I can’t say that’s wrong, but I also don’t think it’s the full picture
Like imagine a cut rope. Gluing the ends together joins it with a weak point, but if you unravel the ends and weave them back together, you can create a very strong connection, even without glue
Yes, the surface area in the latter is far greater, but in addition to the surface area you have the structure - the weave itself grants strength, because when you pull the rope the fibers compress against each other, making it stronger than just surface area contact
I think it’s kinda like that, surface area certainly plays a big part, but I think it’s more than that. It lets the muscles reweave themselves - as opposed to the skin and the uterus lining, which are cut in straight lines to minimize damaged surface area - they’re more like cloth than rope, you stitch them up in neat lines
Yep, a useful comment. I had no idea about such a thing.
… Jesus fucking Christ…
To add to your “for the benefit of others” explanation, this is also not a historical relic. It’s still happening.
I work with refugees and a lot of women escaping fundie warzones are living with variations of this nightmare. So much mutilation, as little girls, preteens, post-giving-birth… Infections are common, tearing is common, and sex is torture. I’ve been doing this job long enough that I recognize the walk.
Unholy fuckery! This makes me glad to live in country, where to get an operation you need to visit 9001 doctors and get 100500 approvals.
Jesus Christ, what kind of sick person comes up with stuff like that?
After the mother gives birth to a healthy baby boy, the father leans to the doctor and whispers “how long until we can have sex?”. The doctor replies, “I clock off at 3.”
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I worked for a man that thought it would be a funny thing to say soon after the delivery.
Look, I’m a guy. I laughed, until his (now ex) said that he actually said it.
I mean come on. It’s funny as a joke, you don’t ACTUALLY say that to a delivery nurse, my god.
Yeah, people who act like it could never be funny are insufferable and people who actually do it are psychos.
Men 🤷🏻
Sick people that’s who.
Ok but in this case it’s men, specifically. That is what the hashtag is about.
That’s very generalising though.
Personally, I try to avoid that whenever possible.
When this was invented, the majority of doctors were men.
It’s not generalizing if it’s true.
Good on you.
It’s not generalising tho, these women describe situations they have experienced.
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Huh, and here all the men I know have never even the slightest bit upset about broad generalizing statements about men because they are secure in the knowledge that the statement doesn’t apply to them… Sounds like a skill issue tbh.
This statement doesn’t apply to me. Still, when I am constantly lumped in the same category as rapists, sexual predators and any or all other demeaning terms, it does start to affect my self-esteem and make me doubt myself.
Just like when you look at social medias and all the women are perfect. You know it’s a tuned photo with a lot of work behind it. But you see it all the time : on your phone, TV and ads in general. And it does affect women, even if the beauty standards are irrealist, and humans come in all size and forms.
This is the same principle in the two cases.
So what is your point?
What is your smug, dismissive attitude achieving?
I know this statement doesn’t apply to me, but it still hurts me. Just the same as any generalisation.
I’m sure you’ll say something about privilege, and I somewhat agree, but someone having privilege does not make it okay to completely dismiss them and group them in with shitty people for things out of their control.
And again, rhetoric like this is one of the reason that young men are moving away from progressives into the hands of the alt-right. If you want things to get better and want men to be better, the first step is to not be an asshole to them for no reason.
Not just a joke. It’s a thing that used to be more common but is still sometimes done.
I had a doctor straight-faced tell an entire class of college students about it, and how it was a good thing. This was within the last 15 years. I would bet it is still far more common we’d want to imagine.
Thanks for explaining it, wouldn’t have understood it otherwise.
Thanks for explaining it
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Jesus christ, it feels like everyday I learn a new dreadful horror about American life. How the fuck have we not run out of these creepy facts yet? The country is soo fucked up, I swear to god… It’s honestly hard to belive it’s a real place, it didn’t really sink in how much of a shit hole it is until I saw it my self… It’s a twilight world where pain is a virtue for some reason.
Wait, was/is that only a thing here‽
Edit: misread. I thought you asked what this was about. Yeah, I’m sure it wasn’t just here.
Men would sometimes have doctors add an extra stitch to women after childbirth to make them tighter. I think I’ve even heard sometimes doctors did it without concent of either party. Some women didn’t even know it was done until they had complications and found out.It’s called the husband stitch and it is exactly as horrid as it seems if not moreso. Hopefully a dying trend.
One of America’s most popular songs is about eldritch gods living under the Appalachian Mountains.
i dont get it :<
somewone pws explain the joke to me
Not sure if it was ever actually done or just urban legend but there used to be something called “the husband stitch” where an OBGYN would add another stitch while repairing an episiotomy (when a woman tears a bit giving childbirth) supposedly to make her vagina tighter. A lot of things there don’t add up, but that’s what the joke is about.
Oh, it’s real. This was offered for my sister-in-law.
Not too long ago, this was also “offered” in the case of my sister.
The extra yucky part is it was offered to her husband without even her knowledge or consent.Husband stitch that doctor’s mouth so they never make that suggestion again. Men should not be allowed near OB.
“I can punch you in the face so you need the stitches” would be my answer.
Although odds are I’d only come up with it a few days later in the shower.
It being offered is okay, I guess? It’s something they CAN do if you want it
It being offered to the husband is a punch in the nose for a doctor that would offer it to me instead of my wife what the actual fuck.
Yikes.
Circumcision, fgm, the so-called husband stitch… wtf, people? If you’ve got genitals you’re happy with it seems a challenge just to keep them intact against the lunatics who want to chop and stitch. What is wrong with humans?
You conveniently left out gender transition of minors from your list of horrible acts.
But that’s hip and cool these days (just like all of the things on your list once were), so it’s totally fine.
Transition isn’t on the list because a) it is, unlike the others, a major medical procedure, b) is not a cultural relic of some people and c) the list was for people who are happy with the genitals they had at birth. It’s nothing to do with me being such an overwhelmingly hip and cool motherfucker, I just didn’t want to conflate two distinctly separate scenarios.
Probably even more dangerous in the back tbh
The adding “rule” makes anything cool rule.
??? so he cannot defecate properly? I get the point, but this makes no sense.
To make him tighter when she pegs him, clearly
It’s to highlight something fucked up that’s sometimes done on women after giving birth.
Quoting another comment in the thread:
the Husband Stitch is a real thing that used to be pretty commonly done regardless of what the woman wanted and often without her foreknowledge or consent. It’s an extra stitch or two placed when sewing a woman back up after a vaginal tear or episiotomy during labor. The purpose is to make the woman “tighter” so her husband can still enjoy having sex with her even though she’s given birth, which is staggeringly misogynistic and cruel. And it usually results in really painful sex for the woman because her vaginal opening is artificially small plus now it has inflexible scar tissue.
Right, I’m just pointing out that it’s a bad meme. I understand what this is about.
The meme is fine. The point is this would never be done to a man, so it shouldn’t ever be done to a woman.
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Husband bad. Good old Boomer Humor.
This isn’t boomer humor, it’s highlighting a misogynistic practice by flipping gender roles - pretty non-boomer imo.
Oh, right! It’s only boomer humor if Wife Bad.
Way to fail at detecting sarcasm while being sarcastic 🤦
I’m devastated. Y’all really teaching me a lesson here.
It’s clearly making fun of boomer humor. 🙄
“Clearly”
You’re right. “Clearly” is relative to the effectiveness of your brain cells, I understand your particular frustration given what your brain cells have produced in this conversation.
For reals. I’m mid-30s and I only remember hearing about this when I was younger. I’d completely forgotten about it, and never would have asked for or suggested it happen.
Good job bringing it back to the forefront so misogynistic men can know of it and use it to torment a fresh, new generation of women.
If your partner jokes about having surgery done to you without your consent, just leave them–whether you’re a man or a woman.
