I met a girl that I’m interested in and enjoys comics like I do, would something like asking her out to a comic store be dumb? I have a hard time talking to girls so not sure if this would be a dumb idea.
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That works for a hangout, but not for a date. That’s a good way to end up in the “friendzone” if he’s looking for a relationship.
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I think my issue with it is that OP wants it to be a date. If it’s a date in OP’s mind, but he asks for a simple hangout, and she agrees, did OP get a date?
If OP thinks it’s a date and the girl doesn’t, then that’s setting up OP with problems down the line.
I don’t think it would come across as sleazy to make one’s intentions clear. Well, as long as it’s about a date, and not about sex, lol
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I’m not sure what I did to make you feel old, but I’m old too! Haha
I get where you’re coming from too, and that’s probably how I would('ve) approach(ed) it myself. But that would be if I were okay with having a friend and getting rejected as a romantic interest down the line if that’s how it were to play out.
So, IMHO, OP would need to consider what they’re looking for and what they’re ok and not ok with. If they don’t want to end up with an awkward “I thought we were just friends, and I would never consider you romantically” conversation, then they should make a date clear. If they’re fine with hearing “Let’s just be friends” down the line, then a hangout is perfectly fine.
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Lol nobody is friendzoning me.
I have lots of women in my life, and a common thing they share is that they often have to find a way to bring up their boyfriend/fiancé/husband (who occasionally doesn’t actually exist in some cases) ASAP whenever they meet a new man who wants to “hang out” because so many men don’t make their intentions clear. A younger woman might not know to do that, or might not assume OP’s intentions one way or the other.
My point is just that if OP wants a relationship and would be unhappy with “just friendship”, he should make it clear that he’s interested in a date.
If he’s okay with “friendship, and if a relationship happens great, if not, I’m perfectly fine with just friendship!”, then you’re absolutely right that just a “hangout” is the way to go.
The best and longest lasting relationships start between friends.
They can. But if one person is looking only for a relationship and the other person isn’t open to that, then keeping things ambiguous will make things worse for both parties.
Buddy, when you raise the stakes this high before you even try, you’ve already lost because you come off as desperate and insecure. THAT is how you end up in whatever this “friend zone” thing is…
Why is it desperate and insecure to explicitly ask someone out on a date?
And if you’re not sure what the “friendzone” is, then how are you so sure about how to end up in it? Lol
Where did i say that? You’re trying too hard, and that’s bad advice to give, especially to someone who would best benefit from relaxing and taking the chill approach. Women appreciate a confident approach that doesn’t come off as too eager. Everyone appreciates that. Being too quick to try to define a relationship that doesn’t even exist can come off as desperate and demanding. Young (all) women want to make up their own minds, so let them! assuming that you know better, or that your needs or desires take priority is not only arrogant, it’s misogynistic.
During the outing, she’ll pick up that OP wants more than a friendship and if she wants more, too, that’s the direction it will go. And if that’s not what she wants, then so be it. OP will have to accept that and move on, and it will be his first lesson in respecting the wishes and decisions of a woman.
I kind of agree. I think its important to give a hint at what you want. Women pick up on this and it will save you some grief if for some reason expectations are misaligned. Its common for wires to cross if you are a newbie, and its not a demerit to be clearer about it.
Yeah, I feel like the advice in the original comment is the kind of advice I would’ve given and liked to hear when I was younger, especially because it’s easier to get a “yes” as an answer.
Without knowing the whole context and what OP actually wants, it’s hard to know what’s best.
But sorry you got downvoted, there’s a bit of a downvote train going on! Lol
"Hey, wanna go on a comic book store date with me at [store name] on [day of the week]?
The ask, the expectation of a date (and admission of romantic interest), and a specific time and place. Don’t leave the question open-ended or vague. Then she can respond in a few ways: 1. Yes. 2. I’m not free that day; is there another day that we could go? 3. No thank you.
This makes everything as clear as it can be, with little room for misunderstanding. And it’s not a dumb idea at all to have a comic book store date. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don’t talk to girls. Talk to humans who happen to be girls. They’re people, and you’re a person too, so you don’t need to overthink it.
You got this! Good luck!
Being clear and specific is great advice.
This is the way. Maybe add in “I was thinking of going there to shop for [comic store merch], and maybe getting one of the famous [food items] they make a few doors down at [food establishment], and it would be fun if you join me.”
Maybe she says no. Great! You can then mentally break up with whatever image of the two of you that you had in your mind, and go ask the next person. And if only one in ten says yes, that’s great.
She’s probably going to say yes and be super excited.
Thank you, now I need to find a girl without being weird.
Has someone being awkward or a bit weird ever dissuaded you from having romantic interest in them?
The weirder the better. I don’t have any interest in basic people now that I think about it
Funky finds funky. Sometimes you just gotta be yourself and someone will ooze out of the woodwork.
It’s a good idea. You may want to plan a second activity like lunch or a walk in the park as well.
And just be direct. Something like “Hey, do you want to go on a date with me? We can grab something to eat and go to the comic store.”
If she says no, don’t push it. Just say okay and wish them well.
I too was terrible at talking to girls. I still am but my girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind lol
Whatever you do, just don’t try any pickup artist or smooth talking tactics. It’s gross and cringey, doubly so if you don’t have the confidence to pull it off.
I would also disagree with a lot of the other comments, if you want to date this person, make it clear you want a date. Don’t try to do the be friends then turn it romantic thing. It can work but not when you already know you want to date them.
I think the asking for a date right away strategy doesn’t really work with everyone. You can be already sure you want to date her, but she can feel she doesn’t know you well enough yet and asking directly like that could feel like you’re too fast for her. And it could close the door for you. It’s ok to get to know one another a bit before you go out officially.
Getting to know someone is what dates are for. If that closes the door they were never gonna work out. Don’t force love on people by disguising it. Life is too short for games.
I think it’s a cultural thing, if I meet someone in certain contexts it’s better to start with coffee or drinks after work and feel each other out 1 on 1, and in others like an app or singles event, just ask them out. I also guess some people would call the first thing a date.
It is not like you start a romantic relationship if you ask for a date. The date is the opportunity to learn more about you two. Dont ask to meet at your or their place. Make it a public place so it is no problem to end the date and just walk away.
From what OP wrote, they aren’t total strangers given he knows she likes comics. He sounds fairly young so I’m guessing she’s in his social circle or someone from school. If they were total strangers or just met for the first time, then yeah I’d say it would be a good idea to strike up a casual conversation or two before asking them out. You just really don’t want to develop strong feelings for them before you ask them out. It’s a recipe for pain if she says no, and can make things pretty awkward if they’re going to have to keep seeing each other regularly.
But also being wishy-washy can close the door for you too, such as if you end up in a friendzone from which you can’t escape. The difference is that if you are forward with your intentions, you are being honest. If you mask them because you are trying to build some rapport first before to get what you want, you are trying to manipulate them.
I’m a girl who likes comics. Do it. If you can find a nerdy shop with snacks, even better. Ask her about her favorite characters and have her pick out one for you to read, if you don’t know it. That would be an awesome green flag for me. Be careful not to get too serious/gate-keepy, though. An open mind is the best way to approach this.
Sounds like a good first date idea of she’s into comics. Meet in public, you have plenty to talk about - which comics you like, dislike, certain artists you might like the style of, etc.
I once plucked up my courage to ask a girl if she would like to go see a particular show with me the following night. She said “I would, but I am already doing something tomorrow.”
I was totally unprepared for this answer and just heard “no.” She was probably a little surprised to be asked out suddenly, and didn’t take the initiative to suggest another day.
We didn’t go out. That was that. Huge mistake by me. So my advice is: be open to complications in her answer. And listen closely. If she says “I have plans.” that’s a polite decline. If she literally says “I would like to go, but I have plans,” that’s quite different.
It’s hard to hear the differences and react smoothly if you’re nervous about asking, like I was. Best of luck!
Do it! My wife was reading over my shoulder and she though the whole idea was super cute.
Good luck :)
Go to more than just the store. Like go hang out at the store and have fun, then go someplace for a light lunch or even a walk in a park.
Yeah I think it’s a good idea, meeting in a public space would make her feel more comfortable, and maybe if things go well you can head to a coffee shop later.
If you only talked to her once or something and didn’t know her that well, maybe just ask her to hang out at the comic book store and mention you enjoyed talking with her, or something you genuinely liked when you last talked to her (other than her looks).
This sets up a low expectation meeting where you can figure out if it’s a crush or you actually like her and if it’s not mutual you can just hang out as friends if both of you are comfortable with that. The goal should be to feel out of you like her and not to try and convince her to go on a real date, just be yourself and see if there is compatibility in a one on one setting.
Just be honest with how you feel at the the and respect her feelings as well.
While I respect your opinion, I couldn’t disagree more here.
It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a friend, he’s interested in her romantically. Playing it “safe” might send mixed signals and just end up with him frustrated in the friend zone. More importantly, it’s deceptive about his intentions and starting their relationship, whatever it ends up being, on a foundation of dishonesty. That’s a recipe for disaster.
He should approach it as if it’s a date, because that makes his intentions clear, and allows the whole accepting/rejecting play out much more quickly. If he really wants to be friends with her after the rejection, they can work on it.
I’m not saying he should come on strong, but this wishy-washy approach that “is it or isn’t it a date” thing just likely isn’t good for anyone involved.
I find a coffee type meeting and a conversation is a good way to feel out of it’s a crush or actual connection. I definitely wouldn’t linger if there’s a mismatch in expectations but I’ve also regretted jumping straight to dating with someone I would have liked to hang out with platonically but now they feel weird about it or think I dumped them.
It’s definitely not how a less emotionally mature me would have operated so maybe your right and it’s not the best advice here.
I guess I have to get a bit pedantic.
I’ve gone out on dates with women who I would never claim I was dating. If someone had asked me that directly, I would have said “no, but I did go on a date with them.”
So I still think what you describe is a date, but to be dating requires at least more than a one off thing.
However, I’ve also dated, or gone on a date, with women whom I remained friends with afterward. Although I can’t think of any now that I am still friends with. I think we kind of, unintentionally, fell into the area of “let’s be platonic to see if anything comes if it” and when it didn’t we drifted apart. No biggie.
Not dumb
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Ok, so for your confidence:
Had I asked my ex wife on a date when we met, I probably would have lost my virginity that night. Just to give you an idea of how good of an idea it is.
Now, your results may vary, so don’t expect that. But if she likes comics the answer is hes
The only issue I’d see is that there ambiguity as to whether it’s a date or just shopping with a friend. But that happens with a lot of dates unless you’re doing something classic like asking them to dinner, which isn’t always the most exciting date
I’ve never understood this dilemma. You’re gonna find out if there’s chemistry and interest by the end, either way. And if it’s just friendship, it’s just friendship. You gained a new comic shopping buddy.
It’s true, at worst you get a friend, but I do think your perception going into something can shape an experience. I’m not gonna sit here and say stuff like that”you’ll get stuck in the friend zone” and other incel bs, but I do think expectations matter.
That’s a fair point, it does require a certain openness or flexibility in expectations.
Much like all of life. Expectations cause suffering.
On this train of thought…
OP, if you don’t make it clear that you want to date her, then make sure you accept the ambiguity of the situation and that she might have no idea that you want to date her (romantically). It can feel like your interest is obvious if you ask her to hang out one-on-one. But she may not immediately see that and could accept, assuming that you are strictly going as friends.
It’s totally ok to ask her to hang out, just don’t build up the situation to be more than it is. If she says yes, you’ll have to play it by ear. Maybe she’ll consider it a date. Maybe she’ll consider it a strictly-platonic hangout. Or maybe somewhere in between.
Edit: and if it goes well —even if it just ends up being a platonic hang out—I’d lean toward specifying “date” when you ask her to go out again.
Agreed. I’d maybe ask something like “do you want to go to a comic book store then grab a coffee afterwards?” Just to clear up any ambiguity, but this is 10x better than just asking someone to dinner.
Thing is, for some people it would be dumb. But why would you want to date or even be friends with them? Sounds like the chick you want would want to go on a comic book store date so go for that chick till you find her.
Here’s to hoping you already have
Yes but suggestion: go on a night they’re doing an event like a board game night so you’re not just wandering around and have a reason to sit and interact for a while.
