Thank you, was going to request this
Too many pixels, I can’t read it.
I need it charred.
Done
Needs more compression!
Get stabbed
Bleed out in a literal gutter
$800 tho
Fun trick! Don’t try in America!
If anything it would be easier in America.
Just shoot them the second they touch it. Even if they’re running away with it and you shoot them in the back you will gey away with it.
This protip only works for Cops
Yeah or the rich
But then you have to move all the time. A pile of bodies might scare off bike thieves.
Would being near a school help?
Not as much as being near a pig farm would
Disclaimer: This post advises you to commit crimes. Do not take this post as fact.
Disclaimer pt.2: You may get away with it “in Texas, at night, and on your own property,” but you have to hit all 3/3 of those, if you have 0/3, 1/3, or 2/3, you are also going to be prosecuted.
Alternatively, run over with car. You can commit any crime while in a car and get away with it. It’s the law.
Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?
Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.
Gears!!! This thing has gears?
Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America’s best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.
Can confirm. Left my 1986 SAAB 900 SPG unlocked for a decade in a couple major cities downtown areas. The only thing anyone ever took was some of my quarters. They also never broke the window to get in, and then realize it was a manual. Didn’t even take the radio, as I did take the faceplate inside with me
They just don’t know how to start it.
This anon is white
It’s all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them
I’ll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can’t beat up takes it
(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)
And they’re not going to steal a $75 bike, they steal nice bikes that have resell value.
That’s just not true sadly
Yeah the people that steal bikes and the people that know a lot about bike values are probably not usually the same guys
There’s two things that will get your bike stolen. Having a shitter lock than everyone else or a nicer bike. I’d heavily recommend at least having a better lock
I have an ebike worth about $2k given it’s range and top speed. However, I only lock it to extremely secure objects and use a 10lb, 14 mm chain to secure it. So you’ve either gotta pick the lock which took LockPickingLawyer 2 minutes to do in a vice, cut whatever it’s attached to with an angle grinder, or cut through the chain.
I doubt anyone is picking the lock, so they have to get through whatever it’s attached to, at which point the chain is still locking the awkward to carry, 100lb bike stationary. If they go for the chain I figure they’ll likely misalign the cutoff wheel at least once and it’ll explode in their face. Needless to say I don’t worry about my bike for day to day use, and if you get a similar lock setup you won’t have to either.
Sure. My area has low crime, my bike isn’t worth a ton (was $500-600 new), and I use a well-regarded u-lock. Never had it stolen.
But OP is talking about trying to get the bike stolen so they can jump the thief and steal their money. That doesn’t seem very effective with a $75 bike, which is going to be some big-box hand-me-down pile of crap that most homeless people are going to ignore, much less motivated bike thieves. If you want your bike stolen, it needs to be worth the time to bring it to the pawn shop.
The average Joe won’t bother stealing your bike, but the pros will simply take a bolt cutter and remove your chain or lock.
A good bolt cutter is a small investment for people who do this for a living.
I don’t forsee a 14 mm chain being cut by bolt cutters that would be reasonable to carry around. Especially considering the hardness of the steel it’s made of. I just don’t think it’s worth the effort given the amount of people using cable and D locks that can be cut with handheld shears.
Thays why you need an ebike, to carry the chain to lock it :)
Plot twist: it’s actually a nice, stolen bike that I buy for $75.
Plot twist: you stole it yourself
Depends on who’s stealing it/ why. Could be stealing it purely for means of transportation.
The type of people willing to ride, much less steal, a $75 bike aren’t going to be carrying much cash. So you’re not really attracting the right targets.
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I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn’t be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude’s life.
I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset
I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn’t wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you’d have to find out it was there to begin with.
Sounds right to me
Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .
That’s just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.I have questions
Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin
but then all the flavor is gone
just suck it yourself before cleaning duh
Or jar it up
YouTube video on how to do?
Step 1: Remove lower ribs
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Suck
I think Marilyn Manson did something like this. Maybe go ask him.
Best i can do is a wikihow screenshot
I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude
I believe there’s a quote by “Taco” in"Better call Saul" along the lines of “I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops”
The problem with criminals is they are often stupid enough to go to the cops.
It’s to make sure the victim deserves it.
Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.
Ah now it makes total sense!
i guess you really do suck then lol
Not as hard as your mom servicing hobos under the highway bridge
The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk
Seriously, it’s just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you’re just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.
Kidney thing happened to you too, huh…
New side quest unlocked!
Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.
It’s a bounty hunting quest, though.
Criminals can’t call the cops…
"Then Jake Logan came to me with tears in his eyes, saying “Sir, may I suck your dick?”
I wish more people did this. Id watch this over to catch a predator any day
This is psychotic.
While I dont necessarily agree, I do agree that petty theft affects regular people all the damn time, you cant do anything about it or you can catch an assault charge, the cops cant or wont do anything about it either so you just have to accept that sometimes people are going to take your shit and nothing is going to happen.
It would be nice to know those people get their comeuppance from time to time.
As someone who has had to replace three car windows in six months,… yes! Fuck these lowlifes. They deserve a little of this.
To be fair, if everybody did this, bike thefts would decrease. I wonder how many people who got beaten up stole a bike again.
Yeah, unless you’re a police department and are literally doing a sting operation, this is just robbing people with extra steps.
It’s robbing people who are unlikely to call the police because of the crime they had just committed.
Robbing people who rob
Which tbf self selects for “people who kinda deserve it” over “innocent people, at least ostensibly.”
nah bike thieves are among the lowest of the low, among child abusers and oil execs. Utter sociopathy. It’s one of the scummiest things you can do, hands down.
