Reminds of this classic
Wouldn’t it be a “bear naked choke”?
Oh BROTHER this guy stinks!
“IT’S BEEN one week since you looked at me…”
“Head your cock to the side and said ‘I’m hungry’…”
I’m sure this may work in maybe 1% of circumstances of super fit, tall, jacked, stupidly tough, experienced martial arts experts vs an “Average bear”
Like the theory is sound, you could conceivably choke out a bear but it would be a motherfucking wild ride IF you can get into place to do it.
No way in hell. Bears have a ton of fur and very strong neck muscles. Nothing to choke. This is why we invented weapons in the first place.
Even in the case of you getting in place and choking it from behind, your arms are still going to be clawed. Good luck keeping that chokehold with your tendons shredded.
I don’t think I could do anything to a bear that would do more than make it angry. Maybe poke it in the eye or something, if it holds perfectly still while I do that. Even then, I would just be mauled to death by a one-eyed bear that suddenly remembers it has those giant claws right there.
Like the info graphic shows … sure you can try to muscle your way to do one thing or another but usually at step two, the bear has already sunk their teeth into your and torn part of your body with is claws.
While you were thinking of the first and second move, you’ve already lost a pint of blood, will lose more and you’re on your way to dying while the bear bites your arm and swings you back and forth like a rag doll.
Look up the skeletal structure of a bears skull, you’ll notice two giant lumps on the back of it’s head. Those are two large muscles that operate the jaw … a massive jaw bone attached to dagger like teeth. It’s like a hyper fast bench vice with knives.
Also think of the strongest man you can think of and know that a bear is probably four or five times stronger than that.
So any time you think of confronting a bear, any man without weapons is in danger.
Someone listens to Andrew Tate a little too much.
I’d pay to see Tater take on a silverback ngl
Cage fight, only one comes out alive! That’s worth the watch!!!
What color is your boo-gah-ee???
I recently saw a gorilla skull. Note how small the brain is and how much extra bone there is to protect it. Punching this would hurt you more than the gorilla.
That was essentially what I was going to comment.
You punch a skull like that, you’re breaking knuckles. It happens vs other humans as it is, no way do you punch a gorilla in the face and do even the same amount of damage your hand takes. You’re sure as hell not knocking it out.
As entertainment, the idea is awesome, because I can imagine this relatively small guy squaring up against a silverback, all confident and executing the footwork perfectly, throwing a right hook just as hard as he can, and then there’s a spray of blood from his hand, followed by the gorilla turning him into steak tartare in a minute or less.
Has dude never been to a zoo that has gorillas? Back in my prime, I would have been a heavyweight, and I feel like a damn twig next to a gorilla, no matter how much height I have on one. And I’ve never been that close to one. Seeing them twelve feet away was intimidating as hell.
They’re fearsome in a fight, but even more admirably, they don’t take themselves that seriously
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HmuTqe9s88
Worth it to watch even for the first couple minutes to hear the sound
I haven’t watched the video yet, everyone is asleep and my headphones are in another room.
But I love your user name, and felt you needed to know that immediately
And yes, very much worth watching!
(～o￣3￣)～🍌
I love this guy’s content. Maybe because it’s related to nature in all its deadly splendour, but I often do a double-take on the ‘will kill you’ euphemisms.
This guy needs to reboot Hinterland Who’s Who for Canada.
You see those fin-like bones that rise up from the skull? All of that is filled with the muscle that closes the jaw - technically the purpose of these bones is for the muscle to attach to. One bite will slice and crush anything of you that is in his mouth.
Oh, and humans lack a type of fast-twitch muscle fibre that gorillas (and pretty much all non-human mammals) have. This makes their muscles a lot more powerful than ours, no matter what training you do. They will tire faster, but thats probably only during the stomp-on-your-bloody-remains part of the fight.
Oh, and their reaction speed is also faster.
Basically, you have zero chance going mano a mano with a gorilla.
Yeah, human muscle density is very low, relatively. We have higher myostatin levels than other great apes, likely from developing tools for hunting.
I bet an average chimp would absolutely destroy any top ranked fighter.
IIRC the chimp thing is a bit overblown. I seem to remember that chimps are something like 1.3-1.5x stronger than humans per body mass. However male chimps weigh in at only around 40-70kg.
These are average numbers, so assuming a top ranked fighter is significantly stronger per mass than the average human (my amateur experience suggests that a well trained man is around 1.3x as stronger than average per mass). Matching a top ranked heavyweight fighter (≈110 kg) to a higher-end chimp means the human is probably around (1.3 x 110 / 1.5 x 70) = 1.35 times stronger than the chimp.
The top ranked fighter has a reach advantage, and while chimps are robust, I would almost call it absurd to suggest that a well landed kick from a top-ranked 110kg fighter would not injure a 70kg mammal.
The chimp has the advantage of biting, but even in a ground-brawl, I have a hard time seeing a chimp with the strength of an average 105kg man standing much of a chance against a heavyweight MMA fighter, just by knowing how completely one-sided that fight would be between humans. I don’t think the bites of the chimp can overcome the large strength difference and massive technical difference (chimps are similar enough to humans that ordinary BJJ techniques can probably still be used). All this is assuming that the chimp is able to get within reach without catching a crippling strike first.
Note that the above takes a higher end chimp vs. a top ranked fighter. Taking an average chimp and I definitely cannot see the chimp standing a chance. That would be like betting on an 85kg guy without fighting experience beating an MMA heavyweight. Even if the guy has a knife, he’ll probably be knocked out before even touching the fighter.
Of course, being an average man myself, I would definitely be torn to shreds by even a lower-end chimp.
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Oh, and chimps are savages that go first for your balls or the face.
In prehistoric times the human hunting strategy was simply to follow an animal with a group of people until it tiers out, relying on superior endurance and cooperation skills. If it were possible for a human to simply defeat prime predators in one-on-one combat we would likely never have developed those skills in the first place. We are good at cooperating, precisely because we are so much weaker than gorillas.
Honestly at this point i wanna convince them to try anyway. Let darwin sort them out
Thank you! And here is the key text;
The presence of this ridge of bone indicates that there are exceptionally strong jaw muscles. The sagittal crest serves primarily for attachment of the temporalis muscle, which is one of the main chewing muscles.
“reflexes similar to my speed”
Haha this is a classic French copypasta which is 20 years old and has just been translated by anon.
It is even cited in the French “copypasta” Wikipedia article in the examples section: https://fr.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Copypasta
TL;DR: French and fake and gay
bro even converted the units
French is also gay, so French and fake.
Imagine a toddler who thinks they can beat up you, a grown adult because it learned some karate. That’s how threatening you are to a gorilla.
That raises a question. Can I go for the balls? How hard will it be to twist his balls if I can get a hold of em? I think I might have a chance if I ambush him.
You won’t get to their balls, and even if you do, you probably lack the strength to make damage or cause pain, and even if you do, you’ll only enrage the gorilla so he could tear you into pieces. I know you are joking but people like OP exist.
Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.
nah but anon is built different
If not for the ethics on the side of the gorilla in terms of making them fight a human, I legitimately do think we should let every single person who thinks they can 1v1 them try. Idiocy of this level voluntarily removing itself from the gene pool is a net good for the species.
It would at least give LiveLeak a reason to return.
There might be a line of 100 challengers. Once they see what happens to the first guy, they will scatter.
If any human would have a slight chance, it would have been Mike Tyson.
Hot (and irrelevant take) but I disagree. Mike Tyson was actually kinda small for a heavyweight and I don’t think any person stands a chance of knocking out a gorilla (have you seen the way their skulls are built?!). I think if any human had a slight chance it would be a huge wrestling or BJJ champion that knows how to grapple and maybe, idk, choke out a larger opponent with superior technique.
Nah, anyone fighting a gorilla would be ins-ta-cooked no matter how strong or skilled they are. Their skin alone is like leather. Grappling a gorilla sounds like a death sentence. The best you could hope for is they think you are trying to play with them.
Grappling a gorilla is such an unbelievably bad idea lmao, no matter the BJJ steez. You’re right, things are fucking tanks, just flat out invulnerable to us hand-to-hand.
Haha listen bro there are no good ideas against a gorilla. I’ve seen some pretty amazing grappling feats where a much much smaller person can submit their opponents… I think you physically just cannot knock out a gorilla though their skulls are too thick. Humans are uniquely vulnerable to getting KOd so I don’t think throwing punches or kicks is a valid strategy against a nonhuman
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I don’t think any human from Eddie Hall, to peak era Brian shaw ,or francis ngannou would stand a chance, but I would like to see these three together try and take on a single gorilla! Perhaps give then Tom Aspinall also!!
Now that’s a PPV I’d drop $80 on no questions asked
Hard disagree, the tendons are attached at different points then a human. This gives them a huge (mind mindbogglingly huge) strength advantage; something like 10 times stronger.
Chimps have a similar advantage, whilst smaller than us, they are also significantly stronger.
Human vs chimp, skill may make up for the strength disadvantage; but against a gorilla…not a chance, it would be like fighting a 5yo, sure they may have skill but nothing they could do would make up for the strength disadvantage.
Chimps are NOT stronger than humans, that is a common misconception. I posted a source for that somewhere else in this thread. Pound for pound they are stronger yes, but they are also significantly smaller than humans which more than balances it out. Attaching tendons differently isn’t a magic hack to increase strength; you could maybe increase torque but at the expense of travel distance of the affected joint (or vice versa).
Go search up fighters like rampage Jackson or Kevin Randleman who regularly out muscled the very best grapplers, doing things like powerbombing their way out of submissions, then think how much smaller they are than a gorilla. Grappler is just as dead as a Boxer, Muay Thai fighter, or Karateka.
The way you beat a gorilla is through brains, not brawn. I would probably stand a better chance than Mike Tyson, because I know I don’t stand a chance head-on and would try tricks instead.
Yes, we are human, we should use our brains instead.
whips out hunting rifle
Famous last words haha
Yes, wrong mostly.
Especially in the head department.
Yeah, 3 inches taller and 40 pounds lighter. You’re not gonna beat a gorilla being a quarter the weight. You could maybe outrun it, but you’ll just get wrecked if you try to fight head on.
Well, he might rape the gorilla, then everyone will spend the next 2 decades defending him…
I have this theory that with proper technique, you can beat anything you can lift in a fight. That being said, Gorillas are too heavy to lift. Conversely, you’ll likely have extreme difficulty fighting anything that’s too heavy for you to lift. Anything with natural weapons, like sharp teeth, this rule of thumb likely also doesn’t apply to. Anything larger than a cat should be considered dangerous by default.
Even cats will fuck you up if they really intend to.
Only to a point though. They can break your skin, but they’re so small that you can literally throw them across the room. There’s no way a cat survives a human trying to kill them short of running away.
I think part of the problem with cats is that you don’t want to injure the cat, but the cat has no problem with injuring you. The stories I hear from people who dealt with panicking/aggressive cats are mostly about catching the cat without hurting it, while avoiding getting hurt yourself.
I was in a situation where a friend’s very aggressive cat was looking at a small lizard that escaped while I was supposed to be feeding both, but not to each other obviously. Basically I had to willingly put my hands into a blender to solve this. But I managed to get her into a different room and close the on her without hurting her in any way.
Oh, and the lizard also bit me when I picked it up to put it back into its terrarium, but at that point I was way past caring.
Goddammit. It makes me want to do drugs
What doesn’t make you want to do drugs??
Exactly, I guess that was what I was getting at. A cat will mess you up, but only as long as you tolerate it. (I love cats btw. would never dream of hurting one)
The problem with apes is that relative to their size, they have way more muscle mass than humans. They have lower myostatin levels, so their muscle density is ridiculous.
There are humans that could absolutely lift a gorilla, but there’s absolutely no chance that they could win a fight against one. Even a strongman is going to struggle against a chimp.
Humans are different because we discovered tools which meant we were more successful hunters. Since large muscles require more calories, natural selection did its thing and we got much weaker.
No, we are first that way because we exhaustion hunted prey. Endurance in human is ridiculous (thanks to sweating) but we aren’t that strong. Then came the throwing, with adaptions in the shoulders. Best any other ape can “throw” is a few meters, not tens of it.
You know a lot of people that could lift 800lbs at all, much less when it’s fighting back with that strength? I can sled 800lbs, but no way in hell anyone is just picking that up.
Not me personally, but strongman competitions are a thing.
Humans and performance enhancing drugs can do some crazy shit. Check out the Physical 100 show on… Netflix? Those fuckers squat 600lb like it was a fanny pack, and they’d still get wrecked.
Ronnie Coleman is the only person on earth that I know of as being able to used to lift 800lbs. I want to bold used to his muscles got strong enough but his tendons, ligaments, and bones weren’t. His body is wrecked and can’t really move without help.
Point is even if someone could pick up 800lbs of gorilla, they ain’t doing much afterwards but getting killed by that gorilla.
The current world record for deadlifts is over 1,100lb and squats are over 1,300lb.
But yeah, they’re still going to lose.
Sort of my point. The squat bar, deadlifts, etc. aren’t fighting back. I’ll check the show out.
There are plenty of people who can lift 800lbs in the idealized form of barbells along certain ranges of motion, such as the deadlift or squat. However, I sincerely doubt any human could lift 800lbs of dead weight gorilla, much less one that is struggling. The heaviest stones that have been lifted are in the mid 600# range, and lifting a stone is easier than lifting an equivalent weight of floppy body.
Orangutans have entered the chat. Their only natural weapons are the long guns they’re packing. Lean machine all folded up in a big skin sack. Plenty of humans could bench an adult orangutan, zero humans are winning that fight.
That being said they’re basically just a half step down the neurology ladder and 2 steps up the jungle ladder, so it makes sense that they would outclass us.
I’m pretty sure an Orangutan could lift a human, though.
way more easily than a human could lift an orangutan
Vimes picked himself up off the greasy cobbles and stared at the Librarian.
He was experiencing something which had come as a shock to many people,
usually in much more unpleasant circumstances such as a brawl started in the Mended Drum when the ape wanted a bit of peace and quiet to enjoy a reflective pint, which was this:
the Librarian might look like a stuffed rubber sack, but what it was stuffed with was muscle.GNU Terry Pratchett!
Lots of creatures within the realm of benchable weight often have specialized defenses that could constitute a 1-hit KO if you fuck up in the slightest.
A chimp could rip your arms off. A kangaroo could crack all your ribs with a kick.
If you consider these “natural weapons” then sure, I guess that just limits you to fighting juvenile cows or something, at which point I’ll give it to you, I could probably take a newborn calf in a fight.
If you attack a calf, their mother will fuck you up, though. I suppose the lesson here is that humans should use weapons to fight animals.
Or just set up a trap so the target will fall on it while you’re running away. Don’t fuck up
I can lift a fully-grown horse above my head, and I can hold my breath for ten minutes.
To settle a wager, I once ate a pound of P.B. Fouke’s strongest badger poison and then ran a mile in the nude. I cannot feel pain, and I can see for two miles unaided by a lens. No man can kill me. I have beaten a man of every race in formal combat, including a Turk, a Pygmy Negro Man and a rare Deepwater Jew.
A medical doctor and two priests have written and signed a document confirming that I have no soul.
Wait, you think you couldn’t beat a giraffe?
One punch from my scrawny nerd warrior arms and that fucker would shrug then donkey kick me half way across the fucking Serengeti.
No, you’re approaching this the wrong way. You run towards it at full speed, then get a 45° angle and jump. While doing so, you grab their neck like a pole, and use the force to hoist yourself upon their back.
You either already killed them with this move, or you’re now on their back and holding their throat. There’s nothing a giraffe can do to throw you down or attack you now. You can just choke, and choke, and keep choking it until it falls to its knees.
You lost me at “run”. Can I bring my inhaler or does that count as a tool?
Oh, you’re American? I guess you could drive your scooter up specifically designed ramp to reach their back. Though I feel most animals wouldn’t stand a chance against you guys on their back.
Their neck starts at 3 meter height tho.
Not the necks of teenage giraffes!
It can roll over. Do you like your legs? Besides, unless you’re a lion, good luck jumping up there. And even then, you’re not choking a giraffe out. Their neck is basically only muscle.
Am I stupid, or did I miss the “rolling over”? I just saw the giraffe lady down while saying “choke me harder daddy”
Are you a 150kg murder machine with claws that can high jump several times it’s size? Even then, the lion got thrown off not once, but twice. Thinking you could fight a giraffe and win is dellusional
Lions cannot jump several times their height. They can leap forward several times their height and length. Not straight up. https://images.app.goo.gl/NhdZC
No, I lost some weight, so not quite. What lions have in claw strength, I however have in elbow strength!
I just saw the giraffe lady
Aww, I must have missed her.
That’s a typo I’ll gladly keep!
No way someone who trains mma and boxing would say “just dodge his attacks”. This aint anime bro you’re going to get hit
If you train hard enough, you get observation haki. Haven’t you ever seen that famous documentary “The Matrix”?
I know action choreography.
Show me…
Yeah! I would watch that.
Can we also get Musk v Zuck as the opening?
I’d rather see Musk and Zuck and Anon vs. the Gorilla.
Isn’t that basically Roman weekend entertainment?
I’m pretty sure 800 lbs of angry silverback would beat whatever krav maga bullshit, but whatever tough guy. Let me just grab a snack before you convince that normally peaceful ape to tear your fucking arm off.
Yeah, we weighs less than an average female gorilla. A preteen probably outweighs him. Newton has a few things to say about what will happen.
you just fight a really slow gorilla instead
A gorilla at rest stays at rest, just wait for him to go to sleep then you literally can’t lose.
I think… I sucked at gorilla physics class.
Apparently gorillas are about 5 times stronger than a chimp, and I’ve seen what a chimp can do to a person.
Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don’t find us the slightest bit threatening.
https://www.reddit.com/r/primatology/comments/11nqwsa/how_strong_are_chimpanzees_compared_to_humansalso/
Just putting this here because chimpanzees, while strong, aren’t THAT strong. A big strong male human is stronger than a big strong male chimpanzee.
A gorilla of course would tear any person apart like tissue paper.Yeh what chimps got on humans is they go from zero to ripping your face off in 0 seconds flat, humans either require a lot of buildup to get that pissed or some kind of drug.
Apparently it is an instinctive way that chimps fight. First they gouge your eyes so you can’t defend yourself. Then bite your hands so you can’t attack. Then they rip off your genitals because fuck you that’s why.
Years of martial arts training can give you this ability too, i mean, anon gonna be killed, but he won’t hesitate
Idk about you, but I hesitate to get myself killed.
Florida man has entered the enclosure.
I can believe that. There was that bath salts nutcase a few years back, and his victim was left in a similar state to chimp attack victims…
Gorillas mostly leave people alone because they don’t find us the slightest bit threatening.
I love this statement. It sounds entirely true, it really trivializes the part of humans when they attempt to overcome nature and its bouncers, and it also means I maybe have a chance of not dying if I ever should find myself surrounded by Gorillas and shitless (see if my natural shark repellent works here too) .
Yet we have gorillas in cages. Why? Because we don’t fight with our hands, we fight with our brains. We create traps, tools, etc.
If you want to kill a gorilla, use that noggin and outsmart that beast.
OP is preparing in exactly the wrong way.
I would own a gorilla in a spelling bee.
That’s the spirit!
Gorilla’s will literally tear you to pieces.
Well don’t leave us hanging what do the chimps be doing to em??
Rip their arms, face, and genitals off, then leave you suffering.
Chimps are fucking brutal and absolutely terrifying.
Good lord
Whats the story here?
Thanks! But what a horrid read that was. Of for some eyebleach.
Mike Tyson was going to fight a gorilla in his prime. The zoo keepers denied his request. While he can punch a hole in a human’s chest, that gorilla was going to rip his arms off with absolutely no effort.
Please do it anon and make sure you film this great achievement.
just jump over the fence into the zoo enclosure with him, and you’ll probably get your chance
I think he’s on to something… In these times of political and economical uncertainty, we should bring back ancient Rome colosseum style games. Modern fighters taking on wild animals for glory. Give the masses something to get excited about.
Let the man get himself dismembered by a gorilla as part of a bigger event with deadly races and feats of human strength.
Sounds like an average minimum wage jog tbh.
Damn. I coulda gotten paid to run.
Here I am doing it for free like a chump.
Gorrillas weigh between 219 and 600 lbs
According to Guiness World Records they can lift 1800 lbs.
They have an arm span of over 8 ft.
Feel free to try it but spend some time putting your estate on order, first.
An orangutan could grab a man by his feet and head and tear him in half, honestly i kind of doubt that the biggest most well trained man could even take on a chimpanzee and win without a weapon.
Don’t forget the bite force. Monkeys bite.
Assuming Anon has an estate to put in order… smh my head.
Look, Jim-Bob needs to know whether he’s getting the contents of that trailer or not.
they can lift 1800 lbs.
For a real-world comparison, ever try to move someone that’s passed out? That’s probably in the ballpark of 200lbs.
Now imagine lifting six people at once.
Current world records for a deadlift top out just shy of 1200 lbs.
Feel free to try it but spend some time putting your estate on order, first.
OP is definitely going to need a beefy insurance policy, a last will, and a pre-ordered coffin. Maybe they get ahead of the game and just give someone full power of attorney the day before. Assuming they stay in one piece, it’s possible that they could survive, but they’re going to need a new skeleton and a few vital organs to pull that off.
